Are You Now Or Have You Ever Been
by Sapphire Smoke
Summary: "Are you now, or have you ever been so in love with someone that you forget to breathe, to eat, to live?" •Sophie/Tara• •Parker/Sophie•
1. PART I

**Title:** Are You Now Or Have You Ever Been  
><strong>Author:<strong> Sapphire Smoke  
><strong>Beta(s):<strong> dolfynrider on LJ  
><strong>Fandom:<strong> Leverage  
><strong>Rating:<strong> M  
><strong>Pairing(s):<strong> Sophie/Tara & Parker/Sophie  
><strong>Timeline: <strong>Post Season 3 finale, but before Season 4**  
><strong>**Summary:** "Are you now, or have you ever been so in love with someone that you forget to breathe, to eat, to live?"  
><strong>AN:** It's been over a year since I've written for Leverage, but I recently noticed that this fandom _still_ has a serious lack of femslash, so I decided to try to rectify that. This is pretty angsty at first, but it turns into a very sweet love story. So don't worry, there will be a happy ending :)

* * *

><p><strong>PART I<strong>

Sophie certainly didn't mean to fall in love with her.

Perhaps it was the passion of it all: the late night rendezvous when no one was looking, the orgasms that left her breathless, the feeling of yearning when she was left alone; nothing but the memory of the hours past to make her feel whole again. Tara Cole was like that though; she took what she wanted and didn't linger a second longer after she had gotten it. She was a constant in a life that was filled with changes. No matter where Sophie was, no matter who she was pretending to be that week, Tara would always find her.

At first Sophie didn't mind it. After all, it was a ridiculous notion; a grifter settling down. But each time Tara left her alone in another dark hotel room, her heart ached a little more. She wanted nothing more than to go after her; to ask her to stay, even if it was for another hour. But each and every time Sophie stayed silent, allowing Tara to walk out the door without question or hesitation. For someone who based their life around constant change, Sophie was terrified of changing their relationship. She was terrified that what they had now was all Tara really wanted and if given the choice, Sophie would rather have this than nothing at all.

Still, hiding her feelings was starting to get more and more difficult.

Sophie's eyes were shut tightly, her arm thrown haphazardly over her face as she bit down on the skin of her forearm, trying desperately to keep herself quiet. Tara's fingers were buried up to the knuckle inside of her, each fluid motion being met by the thrusts of Sophie's hips. Though Sophie found herself completely naked and at Tara's mercy beneath her, her blonde lover still had all of her clothes on. Sophie hated that, but only because it told her what this was: a quickie. Tara was going to take what she wanted from her and then rush out the door, not caring in the slightest that Sophie didn't get the chance to reciprocate; Tara had always been more of a giver than a receiver.

But it had been months since Sophie last saw her. Every inch of her body longed to touch her, taste her, fuck her. She wanted nothing more than to feel Tara's skin against hers; fill her so completely that Tara would know, she would finally just sodding _know_ that she was hers… because Sophie was pretty sure she had always belonged to Tara, even long before she met her. Every breath she took was just another way to count the seconds until she saw the woman she loved again.

Tara's thumb slipped against her clit and Sophie whimpered, tossing her head to the side as she desperately grabbed for her with her free hand. Tara came without a fight, laying her body atop hers as she pushed Sophie's arm out of the way of her face. Though before Sophie could emit a loud sound of pleasure – possibly alerting the rest of the team to her extracurricular activities – Tara's lips collided with hers in a wave of bruising passion that stole the breath right from the grifter's lungs.

As Tara milked gasp after gasp from the woman beneath her, she smirked against her lips. "This is what I look forward to every day, y'know that? When I can do this to you again…" Her words were nothing more than a breathy whisper, and yet they felt like a scream to Sophie from the force they instilled. Tara had never told her that before… never said that she looked forward to it every day. Perhaps that really did mean something, but Sophie didn't have a moment to contemplate it; the pleasure was beginning to overwhelm her. "You're the sexiest fucking thing I've ever see, Fi," Tara finished in a whisper, using a nickname that Sophie always hated, yet found she loved when Tara was the one to call her that.

"Tara… I…."

The words almost fell from her lips, but Tara didn't give her the chance. Her hand covered Sophie's mouth and she sped up the pace of her fingers, successfully managing to cloud the older woman's mind with immeasurable pleasure. "Don't," she pleaded softly in her ear. "Please don't."

Sophie wanted scream it out, regardless of Tara's protests. It was so hard keeping it inside. But instead she cried out loudly, the sound being muffled by Tara's hand. Her hips twitched in pleasure as her body shuddered beneath her, her orgasm hitting her fast and hard. Sophie's fingers curled in blonde hair, holding on to the only thing she ever wanted but could never completely have as she rode out her high.

Tara didn't even give her a moment to take a breath before she untangled herself from Sophie and climbed off the bed to smooth out the wrinkles in her clothing. "I have to go," she told her, without even making eye contact. Usually she would at least stay for a moment longer; kiss Sophie softly as she allowed her a moment to bask in her afterglow. Not tonight though; tonight she realized they both got a little too close to reality and was fleeing from it.

Not that Sophie should have expected anything different; this was what she was scared of, after all.

"Tara…" she tried, breathing labored as she struggled to get herself to a sitting position. When she finally was able to open her eyes to look at her, Tara already had the front door open.

"I'll see you." It was a promise that was again made without eye contact, making it feel fake.

"Tara!"

But Tara was already out the door, leaving the brunette alone in the dark for the umpteenth time. Sophie bit her bottom lip hard, pulling her knees up to her chest as she ran her fingers through her hair, letting out a heavy breath as she tried to keep herself from crying. It was so hard though; she knew it was her that messed up. She almost said something that would have crossed the established boundaries the two of them had set up and though it pained her; it seemed obvious that what they had now was all that Tara was offering.

Sophie could only hope that her near slip up didn't cost her the little she was allotted though. After all, it was better to have something small than nothing at all.

* * *

><p>"You're sad."<p>

If Sophie hadn't been conditioned to expect Parker to randomly turn up unannounced all the time, she probably would have startled her. The thief sat on her hotel room couch, without a care in the world about invading Sophie's privacy. Sophie sighed, clutching her towel to her body as she exited the bathroom.

"Parker, we talked about this."

"But if I knock, sometimes people don't answer."

Though it was a rational argument on the surface, it still gave Sophie a little twinge of annoyance. She wanted to explain to her that that was the point, but she knew the girl wouldn't listen to her so she would've been just wasting her breath if she tried.

"We need to get some sleep," she tried instead, running her fingers through her wet hair in an effort to untangle it. "We still have a job to do in the morning." Though it was a pretty standard, run of the mill type of con, it wasn't guaranteed that they wouldn't hit any snags. After all, nothing was ever perfect.

"You didn't sleep last night," Parker countered, "and you still did fine, outside of being really grumpy."

Sophie didn't really want to know how Parker knew that, so she merely answered with, "Which is more of a reason for me to sleep tonight." Last night she spent most of the evening crying over Tara. She knew she shouldn't have, after all it did end up causing her to be a little off of her game today, but she couldn't help it. She wondered if she'd ever see her again.

"Are you sad because of Nate?" Parker asked, completely dismissing Sophie's wish for sleep.

"No—"

"Is it because of the sex you had with him?"

"No! _What?" _Sophie exclaimed, now looking at Parker with disbelief. How did she know they slept together? Though, yes, part of the whole ordeal with Nate made her upset, Sophie also knew that she slept with an emotionally unavailable man; it was bound not to lead to anything, at least not yet. Nate was only on the backburner of her mind, however. The forefront belonged to—

"Is it because of Tara then?"

Whatever Sophie was expecting, it wasn't that. As far as she knew, no one on the team knew she was seeing Tara.

"Why does she never say hi to us?" Parker went on to ask, looking a little let down by that fact. "She always says hi to you, but never to us. I don't understand."

Well, at least Parker didn't know she was sleeping with Tara; she would have had the answer to her question if she did.

"Parker, slow down," Sophie replied, holding up her hands to stop her as she took a breath. Her head felt like it was spinning from being bombarded with questions this late at night.

"You're still dripping," Parker observed, watching droplets of water fall from Sophie's hair to the floor. Sophie waved her hand at her, trying to get her to stop talking for two seconds. Trying to follow Parker's train of thought was maddening; she constantly jumped from place to place without any kind of connecting thought.

"Tara just came to get something from me; she had an early flight to catch so unfortunately she had to leave without saying hello to the rest of you," Sophie explained, half truthfully; trying to smooth this over seamlessly. "Maybe next time she'll be able to stay longer."

"But she never stays longer," Parker countered. "When we're in places like this, sometimes she comes by. I see her. Berlin, London, Italy," she listed off on her fingers, then waved her hand a little to indicate their current residence, "Paris. She only comes in your room and then leaves an hour later. Sometimes you cry after. Why do you cry, Sophie?"

"I…" Sophie started, but found she didn't exactly have an answer for her. Or rather, she chose _not_ to answer her. It was too personal of a question and personal feelings were not something Sophie Devereaux shared very often. At least not on that level. So instead she asked, "How did you know she came by that often?" The thought perplexed her, after all.

"Eliot taught me how to listen to people's shoes; the way they walk," Parker explained with a proud smile. "Tara's easy to hear; she always wears loud shoes and she has a weird way of walking. I talked to Eliot about it once; asked if he heard her sometimes too. He said he did, but I don't think he cares that she doesn't say hi."

That was a bit too much. Not only Parker knew, but now Eliot too? She could only pray Eliot didn't care enough to find out why Tara visited so often. But then again, knowing him, he probably didn't. "Who else _knows?"_ Sophie demanded, feeling a little overwhelmed all of a sudden.

Parker shrugged. "Hardison. Maybe Nate, but I didn't tell him." There was a beat, then, "Are you going to get dressed or just be naked all night?"

A towel hardly constituted as nakedness, so Sophie brushed it off. She was covered enough. Besides, knowing that the whole team probably knew about her late night trysts with the other grifter kind of took precedence over clothes. "How…?" she tried, but was interrupted.

"And you never answered my question," Parker said, cocking her head to side slightly to peer at her. "Why are you sad? You told me friends ask those sorts of questions so now I'm asking. It'd be rude if you didn't answer."

"I'm not sad, I'm _fine,"_ Sophie stressed, feeling like she was being interrogated. She sighed, running her hand along the back of her neck. This was too much to take in in one night. "Parker, please… I'd like to sleep."

"So you can cry?" Parker asked. The question was posed innocently, which seemed to enrage Sophie even more. She felt so exposed and… she didn't like it. Not at all.

"Do you get some kind of sick satisfaction from watching all of us when we think we're alone?" Sophie snapped. "Some things are meant to stay private. Some things are meant to stay hidden. I understand that you're a thief and that your mindset is to take things without asking, but we're not objects, Parker; we're people!"

The force of her outburst seemed to render Parker mute, at least momentarily. She stared at her, confusion masking the hurt that lingered beneath the surface. Sophie immediately felt like an asshole. She knew Parker was different; that she saw things differently, went about things differently. God knows she knew the entirety of Parker's social behavior was learned because of the time she spent time with them. It was obvious, however, that she had yet to learn that privacy was not a variable. They tried to teach her of course, but Parker was curious by nature and sometimes that overrode everything else.

"I'm… sorry," Sophie apologized. "I didn't—I mean, I know you're just trying to… care." She sighed, wishing she didn't take her frustration out on the girl. She didn't mean any harm, after all. "I've just had a hard couple of days. I shouldn't have yelled at you."

"I just wanted to know why you were sad," Parker replied quietly, fidgeting slightly in her seat. She was growing uncomfortable. She wringed her hands together rhythmically. "Did I ask it wrong? Hardison told me not to ask at all, but it keeps happening and friends are supposed to stop that sort of thing, I thought."

Hardison. _Great_. Hardison understood people. If given enough information, he could have connected the dots rather quickly. Sophie found herself slumping against the wall in defeat, looking over at the blonde on her couch.

"Everybody knows, don't they?" she asked softly. Her voice sounded so weak. It was one thing for her 'relationship' – quote, unquote – to practically make her come undone, it was quite another to find out everyone knew about it.

Parker shrugged, apparently not understanding the question entirely. "Eliot told me and Hardison about the sex you and Nate had, since he practically walked in on it, or so he said." Sophie's cheeks colored in embarrassment; she told Nate that Eliot wasn't stupid, but apparently Nate either thought he was or hoped he was. "He also knows Tara comes by sometimes," Parker added. "I told Hardison you cry when she leaves because I didn't understand why, but he started acting really funny and told me not to mention to you that I knew. I don't get it though. Do you like crying or something? Do you want her to make you cry? Is this some kind of kinky thing? Because I don't think it's very practical to have her fly all over the world to do that when you could just ask one of us to make you cry."

Oh, for God's sake. Parker's naivety was sometimes too much to grasp. She could take the most obvious things and somehow conclude something completely irrational.

"I'm sleeping with her, Parker."

Sophie didn't mean to say it, but perhaps she was just exasperated by Parker's millions of questions. Parker just wanted to understand. Well, now she understood. Sophie's cheeks felt hot as she stared at Parker, waiting for some kind of reaction.

Parker merely blinked.

"Oh," she said finally. "_Oh._ Oh, I get it." Then she paused, her face scrunching up in confusion. "Wait. I thought you liked Nate. _Oh!" _she interrupted, not waiting for Sophie to answer her. "Is that why Tara makes you cry? She's mad because you had sex with Nate?"

"No, she… well, I never told her that," Sophie admitted guilty. "Not… not that I think it would matter to her, either way. I'm sure she has other lovers." The sour tone in her voice seemed to tell Parker all she needed to know.

"And you don't want her to."

At least when Parker finally caught on to something, she _really_ caught on to something. Which was thankful, seeing as her questions were starting to drive Sophie a bit mad.

"I think that's how I'm feeling, yes."

"Hm."

As far as replies went, 'hm' wasn't the best. Sophie swallowed, tightening the towel around her breasts a little self-consciously. "Please don't tell anyone else."

Parker looked up from her hands suddenly, to peer at her curiously. "Are you gay?" she asked. "I've never met a gay person before."

"No, I—" Sophie started, then paused as she reassessed the truth in that statement. "Actually, I'm not quite sure yet," she finished honestly. She was in love with a woman; that seemed pretty gay. However she wasn't completely against the touch of a man; Nate proved that.

"I won't tell anyone," Parker told her, a small smile being shot in her direction. It was meant to comfort. Strangely, it seemed to work.

"Thank you."

* * *

><p>"<em>Nate."<em>

"Tara."

Sophie flattened her back against the kitchen wall and suppressed a groan, hearing the greeting at her doorway. She had asked Nate to answer her door, thinking nothing of it. Tara hadn't been answering her calls for over two months; the last thing Sophie expected was for her to turn up on her doorstep, especially today of all days. Tara was never big on holidays.

Parker's jaw dropped open as she heard who was at the door as well. She started erratically gesturing and mouthing things both silently and dramatically; being extremely obvious that something of significance was happening when Sophie would rather have kept this low key. To quickly rectify the situation, she quickly grabbed Parker's arms and pulled her over to her, trying to keep her relatively still as Eliot turned around. Sophie shot him a tightlipped smile as she continued to force Parker's hands to her sides.

"What the hell are you guys doin'?" he grumbled, looking at them strangely. He was always particularly grumpier when people were in the kitchen when he was trying to cook and apparently two women flailing behind him wasn't helping matters. "If ya'll wanna act weird, go into the living room. I'm busy."

But Sophie wasn't listening to him anymore. She heard, "What are you doing here?" from Tara, a question that was posed more as an accusation. Parker tried to start erratically gesturing again, but Sophie held her arms to her sides tightly as she strained to listen. The sound of Tara's voice both excited and angered her; it was an odd feeling.

"I'm here for Sophie's birthday dinner," Nate answered flatly; obviously unhappy by the hostility he was greeted with. Tara and he left on good terms, so Nate wouldn't understand why she was acting this way. Hell, even Sophie didn't know why she was acting that way. Problem was, Nate hated not having all the answers, which meant he would be trying to get them, and soon. Which, ultimately, wouldn't work out in anyone's favor. "What are you doing here? Last I heard, you were in Morocco."

"Checking up?" Tara's tone was colored in displeasure.

"Sophie!" Parker hissed urgently, which Sophie shushed immediately and without second thought. If this was going to end up turning ugly, she would have to step in. But honestly, she'd rather not. She was actually quite content with being a coward at the moment; she wasn't sure if she could handle her lover (or was she an ex lover?) mingling with her friends, her family, _while_ she was also present. That was bound to be disastrous.

"Making sure you stay out of trouble," Nate corrected. There was a distinct pause before he finished with, "Though now I'm wondering if that effort was wasted."

There was a silence that washed between the two for a moment that Sophie held her breath for. But instead of continuing to be confrontational, Tara merely sighed; sounding a little exhausted. "Sorry. I didn't mean to come off sounding like a bitch – it's been a rough day. You have no idea the hell I went to get here on time—"

"_Sophie!"_

"What?" Sophie snapped, frustrated by Parker's desperate attempt to get her attention for the better part of the last five minutes. She rounded on her while letting go of the thief's arms, finally allowing her movement.

"Guys!" Eliot exclaimed, apparently fed up himself. "Out of the kitchen. _Now._ I'm tryin' to make this nice fuckin' birthday dinner for you, so the least you could do is allot me some damn space." There was a distinct pause until he finished with, "Please," having known by Sophie's look that he was about to be lectured on rudeness again if he didn't.

"Fine," Sophie relented with an exasperated sigh. She knew she shouldn't have come in here; it was only a matter of time until Eliot complained about it. "Come on, Parker," she encouraged, turning to exit the kitchen. She could still hear Tara and Nate talking in the living room so she made a point to go the _opposite_ way down the hall, slipping into her bedroom.

"Sophie!" Parker tried again. This time it was with a little more force; she didn't like being ignored. But stepping into her bedroom and seeing a man in it took priority with Sophie and she put her hands on her hips, not looking happy.

"Hardison, what are you doing in my bedroom?"

Hardison was cross-legged on her bed, laptop in his lap. He gestured at the machine like the answer should be obvious. "What does it look like I'm doing, woman; crocheting? Nate's been breathin' down my neck about unencrypting these damn files all day and_ apparently_ I ain't allowed to have dinner until it's done." There was no other way to describe the look that just crossed Hardison's face other than 'bitch, please.' "Uh uh," he went on, mumbling to himself as he shook his head. "Shit ain't right man, I'm telling you."

"I'll sneak you some dinner," Parker offered with a smile. It was returned to her, but only briefly before Hardison went back to being grumpy again; folding his arms across his chest and arching an eyebrow at Sophie. Sometimes she swears Eliot, Parker, and Hardison see her and Nate as the same person; they sure do get blamed for what the other does a lot.

"Nate can't stop you from eating," Sophie told him patiently, though her patience was actually starting to wear thin the more the evening wore on. "You know that. Besides, didn't I say 'no work' at my party? So put your computer away and go help set up the dinner table, please. Nate's supposed to be doing it but I think he got distracted, so I'd really appreciate it. And if he says anything to you, tell him to talk to me about it."

Hardison looked at her, hopeful and yet suspicious. He closed his laptop, placing it on the bed next to him. "You can really make him stop?" he asked, like the concept was unfathomable. "Because he's been acting like a tweeker on a mission the last couple days and I ain't lookin' to get run over."

"What's a tweeker?"

Sophie ignored Parker for the millionth time that day, choosing instead to deal with one person at a time. "I promise I can make him stop." She actually didn't have the faintest clue on how to make Nate stop; she only knew how to slow him down for a bit. But Hardison was right; he had been like a tornado lately – blazing a path through everyone and everything without caring who he knocked over in the process. That could get dangerous if left unchecked for a while.

Sophie could see Parker glaring at her out of the corner of her eye so she explained, "A tweeker is someone who's addicted to methamphetamines, Parker." The glare immediately disappeared. Really, it was scary how simple it was to please her sometimes.

"Oh." Parker scrunched her face up before finishing, "Right, I should have known that."

Sophie hoped Parker thought she should have known because of that job she did where she had to be a meth addict; and not for any other reasons. Then again, Parker seemed to detest any kind of chemical in her body – even regular medicine – so it was doubtful narcotics were even on her radar.

"Count it as a good thing that you don't, girl," Hardison told her as crossed the room, giving her a little shoulder bump on his way out the door. Parker tried to contain her smile, but wasn't succeeding at it in the slightest as she watched him leave.

But then she turned around just as suddenly. "Oh!" she exclaimed, immediately excited that she now had Sophie's complete and undivided attention. "Sophie! She came for your birthday!" This fact apparently elated Parker with some sort of uncontrollable _glee_, because she was practically jumping up and down.

"I know," Sophie answered slowly, confused as to why Parker looked like she was about to fly around on a rainbow and meet Puff the Magic Dragon over something that didn't even involve her. Meanwhile, Sophie was left standing there alone and in a rainbowless land, actively debating on either running up to Tara or jumping out of the nearest window just to get away from her. Both options looked pretty appealing.

"So if she hated you she wouldn't have came. _Duh."_

As surprising as it probably was, Parker had become Sophie's sanity over the last couple months. She was the only one who really_ knew_ what was going on and Sophie found that once she had someone to talk to about it, she felt a million times better. It was ironic; a woman who lived her life keeping secrets ending up being so burdened by one. Sophie didn't even realize how much it had been crushing her until she was relieved of the weight.

Parker wasn't the best person to talk to in the world if you were looking for empathy, but she was great at seeing things exactly how they were, without all the barriers of confusing emotions since she seemed to actually go out of her way to not have many of them. Sophie had once, dramatically, said that she was sure Tara hated her since she was going out of her way to avoid her. Parker responded by telling her that could very well be true, which of course didn't help Sophie's paranoia any. But Parker seemed excited to be proved wrong and honestly, Sophie was kind of glad she was too.

"Yeah, I know."

Parker furrowed her eyebrows, "Why don't you sound excited? If she doesn't hate you, she might have come back to sex you. That's good, right?"

Sophie wished she had the effort to explain to Parker how it was so much _more_ than just sex, but she just didn't. Not that it mattered anyway; they were interrupted by a figure leaning in the threshold of the doorway.

"I would say the sex is good, but then I might sound like I'm bragging."

Sophie nearly jumped out of her skin when she saw Tara standing there, arms crossed over her chest as she looked at the two of them. "I see that 'secret' was more of a suggestion," she started, looking pointedly at Parker who obviously very much knew the situation, "and not the unbreakable rule that you had made it out to be."

Sophie flushed in annoyance. Tara had no right to come in here and start getting pissy at her; she was the one who fell off the bloody map. "Parker, will you give Tara and I a moment?" Sophie asked, her eyes not leaving Tara's for a second. She decided on an emotion: anger. It was safer and it was far, far easier than the alternative.

"Okay, but don't sex in here because dinner's soon," Parker told them, as casually as she would tell one about the weather. Tara cocked an eyebrow at her. "Besides, Nate's already grumpy; you'll make it worse," she finished before exiting the room, leaving her words hanging over their heads like a pile of bricks.

"So you are fucking him."

"Close the door," Sophie told her, not about to have this conversation with her where everyone could hear. Tara stepped aside to close the door before leaning against it, looking less than thrilled. Sophie really didn't want to deal with this right now, on her _birthday_ of all days, yet all she could remember was waiting for Tara to show up on her doorstep again. Now that she had, Sophie wasn't sure if she was emotionally capable enough to handle this conversation.

"We had sex once," she admitted as she paced back and forth, running her fingers through her hair. But then she stopped suddenly, rounding on her. "And you know, you can't just come in here and act like you actually have some kind of claim on me when I haven't heard a single word from you in _months._ Hell, even before that you had no right – you couldn't even call what we had a bloody relationship!"

Tara at least had the decency to look a little ashamed of herself, but it was brief. She set her jaw and straightened up, obviously not comfortable with her own emotions. "I told you years ago I don't do relationships, Fi."

"And yet you can come in here and act like a jealous prat over Nate?" Sophie countered, pointing out at the living room. "You haven't earned that right, Tara. In fact, I'm not even sure why I'm allowing you in my house right now when recently all you've done is make a point to blatantly ignore me because of your own selfish insecurities."

Tara colored in anger; she hated being called insecure. "Like I said, we weren't in a relationship; so why should it matter if I up and bailed? I had some stuff I needed to think about and_ fuck_ knows I needed some space to breathe. So _sorry_ if I didn't update you on my every waking breath, but last I checked I was still my own person."

"We _were_ in a relationship, you stupid prat!" Sophie burst out, furious that Tara still couldn't accept that. "Maybe it was based on sex, but it was still a relationship we had with each other for the last five years."

Tara was silent for a long moment, staring at her intently while she chewed on the inside of her cheek. She was trying to stop herself from screaming at her and was having a difficult time containing it. It was no surprise that Tara, who had an explosive personality, was quick to rush to anger; especially if it involved something personal. But over the last five years Sophie had tried to help her suppress that as a first instinct, which was probably the only reason Tara was taking deep breaths right now. It was still a little while until she spoke though, but when she did her voice was at a normal volume.

"Look, I didn't come here to do this," Tara told her, holding up her hands in light surrender. "I just… I wanted to say 'Happy Birthday'; that was it. I didn't want to make this into a huge thing."

"That's it?" Sophie asked incredulously. "You came out here just to wish me a happy sodding birthday?"

"Fi, come on; trust me when I tell you that you don't want to have this conversation right now," Tara replied, which made a sinking feeling form in the pit of Sophie's stomach. That didn't sound good at all. Especially since Tara's tone had a bit of a beg to it; she obviously didn't want to do this now either. But that didn't matter – Sophie knew something was up. She couldn't wait three more months or however long it would be until Tara decided to talk to her. That'd kill her.

"What is it?

"Sophie—"

"What _is _it?" Sophie asked again, voice firmer as she looked her dead in the eyes. She wasn't about to let this go and Tara needed to get the message.

Tara threw up her hands in frustration, giving up on being calm. "Why are pushing this?" she demanded angrily. "I don't want to do this to you on your birthday – that's fucked up. You're my _friend;_ I don't actively go around trying to upset you, contrary to what you may believe at the moment."

"You don't want to do _what_ to me on my birthday?" Sophie asked dangerously, choosing to focus on her anger; it was the only thing keeping her from falling apart on the spot. "I think after the last two months, I at least deserve to know what the hell is going on."

Tara looked at her, letting out a breath she seemed to have been holding. She looked regrettable, but that didn't soften the blow any. Her words were expected at this point, but they still felt like daggers in her heart. "I can't give you what you want from me, Fi. I don't think I'll ever be able to."

Sophie felt sick at those words.

"And it's not like I didn't try; never in my life have I even _considered _being someone's… I don't know, _everything."_ Tara said the word like it was ridiculous, waving her hand like it should be dismissed. The woman thought love was a con though, Sophie knew that, and yet it didn't stop Tara's words from hurting; Sophie felt like she was being suffocated. "But that's why I needed space, to figure out what the hell I wanted," she explained. "I thought you at least deserved that; a real, thought out answer instead of something born from impulse."

"It's not like it changed anything."

Sophie could hear how sad she sounded and she hated it. She didn't want Tara to know she had that much power over her. It was irrational seeing as she was sure Tara knew she was in love with her, which was what prompted this whole 'self-evaluation' in the first place. Still, it was one more thing Tara would have and Sophie refused to give it to her. She may not be able to stop herself from sounding upset, but she_ damn_ sure wasn't going to cry in front of her.

"I can't apologize for who I am," Tara told her softly, a sympathetic look on her face that Sophie wished she could slap off. She didn't need her sympathy. "Look, I don't… want to stop what we have going on," she told her, prompting Sophie's eyes to widen at the set of_ balls_ this woman had on her. "I like you, I like the sex; it's fun. But if you can't handle it – if you know you're going to keep wanting something more than I can give you – then maybe we should just… go our separate ways."

Go their separate ways? Is it really that simple for her; to leave and never look back? Though the prospect pained her, Sophie still found herself wondering if that would actually be better for both of them.

Maybe Tara was expecting her to make her decision the second after she gave her the available options, but it didn't matter because they were interrupted by a pounding on the door. "Eliot says you need to get Hardison out of the kitchen before he ends up stuffing_ him_ for dinner instead," Parker informed them. "And I don't think he'd taste very good."

Sophie let out a heavy breath, trying to gather up her emotions and suppress them, at least for now. There was a time and a place to fall apart and right now wasn't it; it was her sodding_ birthday_. She didn't want to deal with this, but at the same time… she knew she couldn't have gone without knowing.

Tara was still looking at her like she expected an answer, but instead Sophie turned away, opening the door. "Yeah, Parker. I'm coming."

Sophie waited over two months to hear Tara's answer and right now? She was seriously considering returning the favor. If she could wait, so could Tara.

* * *

><p>"Are you a masochist?"<p>

The question sounded far away, but the body that flopped down on her bed (couch? What the hell was she sleeping on?) seemed very solid by the way it made her whole body shift; alerting Sophie to a nausea problem she wasn't aware she had until that moment. The grifter groaned, her whole body feeling like bricks as she struggled to get herself to a sitting position. When she opened her eyes she nearly had a panic attack until she realized that though it wasn't all that familiar, she _did_ actually know where she was: Parker's house.

If you could call her living in a half empty warehouse a "house." It might just be insulting to the word, honestly.

She was in Parker's bed, half laying on some comic books and a stuffed rabbit. The owner of said things was sitting next to her, peering at her like she was something interesting that needed to be studied. Really, all Sophie felt right now was that she was something hung over that needed _aspirin._ "How did I get here?" she asked, her voice coming out scratchy.

"Are you a masochist?" Parker repeated again, apparently not about to give any answers unless she herself was privy to one. Sophie didn't understand why Parker decided that this random question was in dire need to answering_ now_, but she replied:

"Not that I'm aware of, no." She shifted on the bed, groaning softly as she tried to get herself upright to help with her overwhelming nausea. "How did I get here?" she asked again, since Parker was doing nothing else but looking at her like she had five heads.

"You called. I drove," she answered shortly. She was still turning her head ever so slightly as she peered at Sophie, as if a different angle might bestow on her the answer that she was obviously looking for. "Are you_ sure_ you're not a masochist?"

"What? _No._ Why?" Sophie asked, getting irritated by the constant question. Once was enough.

"Well," Parker started, sitting back on her heels and beginning in a tone like she was explaining something to a child, "Usually when people want to be happy they stay away from the things that make them hurt." She looked at her pointedly. "You're having sex with the thing that makes you hurt. So now I'm wondering if it's because you like getting hurt."

Sophie wanted to bang her head against the bed railing, but thought better of it due to her headache. She didn't tell Parker she was seeing Tara again for this very reason – she'd end up making her see things she didn't want to see; like the shit right in front of her face. It was nearly a month that Sophie managed to evade giving Tara her answer and she really, truly meant to walk away. But when the time came to say those words, all she did was kiss her.

This month has pretty much gone downhill from there.

And now, as Sophie lay in someone else's bed disastrously hung over, missing a shoe, and feeling fucked raw, she couldn't help but feel like a bit of a slag. It really didn't matter that she wasn't in the bed of the person she slept with, but just the fact that she couldn't even make it home was rather pathetic. Sophie was also pretty sure her and Tara had sex in a bar bathroom last night which was… about the most unclassy thing she had ever done in her life. But it was this whirlwind she had gotten herself caught up in – the wanting, the pain of wanting; getting completely sloshed only so she could emotionally handle getting fucked like a cheap prostitute by the woman she was in love with… it was all so disastrously messed up and yet Sophie felt addicted to it.

Maybe she was a bit of a masochist.

"She's a bloody _amazing _shag," was the only thing Sophie gave Parker as an excuse. It sounded weak, even to her own ears. It was absolutely true though. Tara was an amazing lover; she gave a lot and what she gave you made your toes curl and your hairs stand on end. Still, Sophie wanted to give some too; taste her, touch her, fuck her. And she was able to… sometimes. But it wasn't enough. The sex was fucking fantastic, sure; but most of it was completely one sided. Sophie wished she knew why.

"You can have sex with someone else that's amazing too," Parker told her. "It doesn't have to be her. She doesn't have to hurt you." That. _That_ was what Sophie loved and hated about this girl at the same time. She had the tendency to hit Sophie with logical solutions that sometimes, like now; she just didn't want to hear. Either way though, things like that still needed to be said, and that was what Parker was there for. She paused for a moment, narrowing her eyes again as she studied Sophie. "Unless you like it. You never told me if you liked it."

"I don't know if I like it." It was the most honest answer she could give at the moment; she was hung over, the last thing she wanted to do was analyze herself. Sophie sighed heavily, rubbing her temples as she stared out into the fading blackness of Parker's warehouse. "I don't know why I want her anymore," she admitted softly, "just that I do."

"You love her," Parker answered for her.

"Yeah."

The confirmation sounded depressing coming out of her mouth, but then again, loving someone who can't, or won't love you back is rather depressing in and of itself.

"You shouldn't."

Sophie looked over at her, not sure whether or not to be offended by that. It wasn't very often that she got told what her feelings should and shouldn't be. "Why?" she asked, curious as to Parker's reasonings.

"Because even I make you happier than she does, and I annoy you."

That broke Sophie's heart a little.

Immediately she replied with, "You don't annoy me, Parker."

It made Sophie feel like shit; knowing that was what Parker thought. What made it worse was that she knew _why _she thought that; lately she had been incredibly short-tempered with her, or at least much more than usual. Sophie used to be patient with her, understanding. And she still was sometimes, but it wasn't nearly as much as it used to be. She used to take care of Parker; look after her. Now it seemed to be the other way around.

Maybe things changed because for the first time in Sophie's life, someone knew something incredibly significant about her; that alone was bound to make her uncomfortable. But that didn't excuse the fact that while she has been sitting here throwing a pity party for herself the last couple of months, Parker had been working on trying to be a better friend to her.

_Just so she can stop being sad. _

Parker would tell her all the time that she wanted to stop the sadness, because that's what she was told friends did, but she didn't know how. It frustrated her, yet she kept trying. It was so simple to her: Sophie was sad, Sophie was her friend, so she had to fix it. A plus B equaled C. The only problem was, the reason Sophie was sad went far beyond what Parker was capable of emotionally understanding. Maybe one day she'd understand, but that day wasn't now. It didn't matter though, whether Parker understood it or not – she still tried.

"Come here, sweetie," Sophie encouraged, holding her hands out to Parker. She just wanted to hug her. The girl had been nothing but good to her these last few months and yet Sophie had been too wrapped up in her own bullshit to really notice until now.

Parker assessed her invitation carefully. Sophie knew she still wasn't too big on touching, but sometimes she indulged in it for other people's sake. Today seemed to be one of those days as she climbed into Sophie's arms, allowing the grifter to settle back into the bed and hold her. "You've been a great friend to me these last couple months," Sophie told her softly, stroking her hair. The gesture seemed to comfort Parker a little because one minute she was as stiff as a board and the next Sophie could feel some of her muscles start to relax. It wasn't enough – Parker would always be on edge – but she did allow her hand to drape over Sophie's stomach instead of keeping her arms tight to her sides like she usually did when confronted with physicality. It made the brunette smile, even though it was clear Parker didn't know what to do with her hand now that it was there; she kept playing with her fingers. Baby steps, though.

"I know I can be a bit of a prat when I get self-involved, but I don't think you're annoying," Sophie told her, letting her nails lightly rake Parker's scalp as she toyed with her hair. "You can annoy me, yes; but so does everyone else on the bloody team sometimes. That's normal." She looked down at Parker's fidgeting hand and reached down, covering it with her own. Parker seemed even less sure what to do about that and she immediately froze, but Sophie continued. "I just want you to know that you're appreciated."

Parker was silent for a little while after that and Sophie wondered if she broke her with the sudden overload of affection. "This is confusing," Parker admitted. Then immediately following that she mentioned offhandedly, "Your boob is very comfortable."

Sophie laughed.

Parker, who probably didn't realize why Sophie was laughing, still smiled anyway. She was happy she made Sophie laugh; that was one step further away from sad. The change in atmosphere made Parker relax again, feeling a little bit better about the situation. "I've never laid on someone's boob before," she explained. "I like it." She then paused as she came to a realization. "Does that make me gay?"

And just when Sophie's laughter died down, it started right back up again.

"No," Sophie told her, shaking her head as she tried to calm her laughter. Parker was adorable without even trying to be and after a night like last night, that was what she needed. "No, it doesn't make you gay. There's quite a big difference between finding them comfortable and finding them arousing."

"What if it's both?"

Sophie's laughter died in her throat. She immediately started to worry that she may have inadvertently been influencing Parker into something that might not even be right for her; the girl did tend to mimic the people she was around a lot. Perhaps she thought it made her look more normal, or maybe that was just how she learned new social behaviors. Sophie wasn't sure why Parker did what she did, but she knew better than to ask. Parker wasn't big on sharing things like that.

"Then it's both," Sophie replied softly, shrugging. She didn't know what else to say; it was entirely possible she was worrying for no reason, so she didn't bring it up. Parker did tend to say strange things, after all. Her meaning for things didn't necessarily coincide with the rest of the world's meaning for things. "I can't tell you what you are, Parker. It's not for me to decide."

"Oh." That answer seemed to satisfy Parker for a moment and the two of them lay there on her bed, probably being the closest to each other in that moment than they had been with anyone else in their entire lives. Parker never did stuff like this and Sophie… well she never got the chance to just lie comfortably with someone. Even post sex cuddling – if she got it – was barely even cuddling at all. It was more touching each other to feel the sensation. It had a purpose; a goal. This didn't; it just was what it was.

Parker started walking her fingers along Sophie's stomach, apparently becoming intrigued by the movement. Or perhaps even becoming intrigued by the fact that she was _allowed _to make the movement. Regardless, she watched her fingers carefully as she let them walk across Sophie's shirt. "There's people who love you more than her," Parker told her, voice filled with concentration that Sophie was sure she was faking as she watched her fingers move. It wasn't often that Parker did one thing when she felt another, but this was one of those times where she decided she needed to pretend she wasn't as invested in the conversation as she was. "Eliot, Hardison, Nate, Me," she listed off, each name being another step of her fingers. "We love you more. So why not love us instead of her?"

"That's a different kind of love, Parker," Sophie explained. But Parker shook her head, turning to look up at her for the first time since they got in this position.

"No, it's not. There's only one kind of love, Sophie."

Sophie gave her a patient, half smile. The world would be much simpler if it was according to Parker. "Just because you've only felt one kind of love, doesn't mean that others don't exist."

Parker, instead of trying to understand like she usually did, outright glared at her. "You don't know how I feel," she told her strongly, sounding offended. Sophie's eyes went a little wide; she wasn't expecting that.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to presume I did."

Parker rolled her eyes and turned away from her, but only to settle back down against her breast. "Everybody compartmentalizes love," she told her. "You guys keep things in boxes and then separate people into categories to fit into those boxes. But you split it up too much and people can't fit in the boxes anymore; they're too big for this little thing you're trying to squish them in."

Sophie just stared at her, a little in shock that Parker was initiating an actual conversation that would require both thought and explanation. Parker lived on the surface; surface emotions, surface ideas, surface facts. Black and white. Things either were or they weren't. She was rather simple, honestly. Not in the stupid way, but in the way that she never made things complicated: she could look at something and see it for what it was, not what people made it out to be. Yet now, for the first time since Sophie met her, Parker was having a conversation with her that required more than just a sentence in explanation; that was far from simple. Then again, she was explaining how everyone else looked at love, not how she did. Her way may very well be simple. It was a maddening concept – simple love – but Sophie found herself intrigued by what Parker had to say.

"Family love goes here," Parker tells her, placing an imaginary box on Sophie's stomach. "Friendship love goes here." Another imaginary box landed on Sophie's stomach. "Romantic love. Sexual love," she listed, placing a box for each category.

"But then, like that isn't enough, you guys split them up even more." Parker touched the first imaginary box. "Family love; a different love for your parents, your siblings, your children, even your dog." She moved on to the next box and explained, "Friendship love is confusing, since sometimes people hold secret romantic love for their friends. Or a sexual love. Or they love them 'like a brother'. Yet instead of crossing over to make more room, you squish them all into an even smaller box. I don't know why; it's impractical."

It was odd; Sophie felt like she knew what she was saying, yet still felt completely lost. So she let her continue.

"Anyway, so there are boxes being inside boxes that can even be inside other boxes, right?" Parker went on, waving her hand as if to encourage herself to move on. "So you put someone in a box, wanting to feel their love since you love them. But the problem is, there's barely enough room for the person in the itty bitty box you gave them, let alone enough room for the love they want to give you. You squished them so much that they feel suffocated and nobody wants to give the person who's suffocating them a bunch of love. That's just stupid."

"That doesn't always happen though," Sophie replied, hoping she was following Parker's train of thought correctly. "You can feel a lot of love from someone you compartmentalized."

"But not real love," Parker told her, turning her head to look up at her. "Not whole, unbroken up love. You only get a little; you just think it's a lot because it's all you've ever felt. But if you smash your boxes and love everyone the same, then the love goes everywhere; it's not contained. You can love them and they can love you. I don't understand why people think 'how' you love someone matters – it doesn't. Love isn't a bunch of things; it's one big thing. So stop squishing it, please."

Sophie looked at her, not exactly knowing what to say to that. That was entirely more in depth than she ever thought it would be and she could only make sense of about half of it. "Honestly, I can't believe you just explained all that to me," Sophie said, still a little in shock. "You're usually very purposeful with your speech and ideas – they're straightforward and simple. That was anything but."

Parker merely shrugged. "I think a lot. I just don't like saying a lot because no one seems to understand when I do. If no one understands then it's a waste of time." She looked at Sophie quizzically before asking, "Did _you _understand?"

"I think I understood what you were trying to say, but I don't understand how you can love everyone the same, no," Sophie answered. "If you smashed the boxes that would mean you felt every one of those things for every person you loved."

"Yeah," Parker agreed, not seeing where Sophie was getting hung up on this.

"So you love Nate," Sophie started, trying to get this right. "You love me, and Hardison, and Eliot, right?" Parker nodded. "So then you're telling me you think of us as family, as friends, as romantic interests,_ and_ sexual interests? _All_ of us?"

Parker blinked, confused by Sophie's tone when she said that. "Yes," she answered. "I love you guys. And I know you guys love me, even though you squish me in little boxes and I get cramped. We're supposed to all love each other the same, but you guys are doing it wrong."

Sophie cocked an eyebrow at that statement. Apparently, Parker's world was right and everyone else's was wrong. That was new.

"So you're suggesting that to love properly I should want to call you my family, yet also want to sleep with you?"

Parker looked at her funny before she turned back around, scooting down a little so she could lay her head on Sophie's stomach. "I'm not telling you to do things. You can do things how you want, even if they're wrong. I don't care." Parker, apparently having decided she liked touching today, chose to let her fingertips explore Sophie's thighs. Which would have been fine, really, if she didn't push up the bottom of the dress Sophie was wearing to do it. "I just think you should love someone who loves you back," Parker told her. "Fully. Not just for sex, like Tara does."

"This is bordering on inappropriate touching," Sophie informed her as Parker's fingers got dangerously close to a place that their friendship could not come back from. Parker's hand froze for a moment before she retracted it, sighing a little.

"You have pretty skin," she told her.

"Thank you. I don't mind if you touch me, Parker; but I would appreciate it if you stuck to parts of me that didn't include erogenous zones." She tried to make it sound like a light joke, but the truth was Sophie had enough problems with Tara, and she wasn't stupid – Parker was an attractive girl. She needed to set boundaries so she didn't go off halfcocked and repeat her same mistakes over again.

Sophie watched as Parker let out a long breath of air, rolling over so she could face her. She kept her head on Sophie's stomach, looking up at her like she was the most complex creature on the face of the earth. "You don't understand."

Sophie furrowed her brows, not sure what they were talking about now. "Understand what?"

Parker looked up at her sadly, her fingers picking idly at Sophie's shirt. "Everything. I thought you would, but you didn't." She frowned, shrugging a little as she looked down at the bedspread. "I can't stop you from being sad, Sophie."

Sophie knew Parker never had that power, but it was still a little disheartening to see Parker give up and not even knowing the reason why.

**TBC…**


	2. PART II

**PART II**

"What are you thinking about?"

"Parker."

The hands that were caressing her back stopped for a moment. Tara let out a small chuckle before she returned to kneading out the knots in Sophie's shoulders. "That wasn't exactly what I was expecting, but alright."

Sophie sighed, cheek pressed into the mattress as she stared at the far wall. She knew that was probably far off course, yeah; they were both naked and Tara was rubbing oil on her – her thoughts should probably be halfway in the gutter right now, but something was bothering her and she couldn't shake it. "I think I upset her."

"How?"

"I don't know," Sophie admitted quietly, closing her eyes and letting out a soft moan as Tara's strong fingers found a particularly tough spot above her left shoulder blade. "Yeah, there," she encouraged.

"It feels like someone shit a brick in your muscles."

"I've just been stressed out lately," Sophie answered. She let out a long breath, opening her eyes again to stare at the eggshell paint on the wall. She should be enjoying this moment – the one time Tara was allotting her more than an hour of her time – but it was hard to enjoy something that felt like a façade. No matter how sweet Tara was being at the moment, no matter how attentive, it wouldn't last.

Tara slid her hands roughly down Sophie's back, pressing her burning center into the curve of Sophie's backside. "I thought that was what all the fucking was for." Her voice is low, husky, and it sent an involuntary shiver down Sophie's spine. Tara was growing impatient with the foreplay; she never did have much patience. But Sophie had her for the whole night – Tara could learn to wait a little. It might actually be good for her.

"I was told I didn't love correctly the other day," Sophie mentioned, not playing into Tara's hands. The grifter atop her sighed, sitting back again so she could continue to rub the oil across Sophie's back. She knew she was about to get nowhere fast.

"You want to do the talking thing." Disappointment colored every word.

"Usually that's what friends do, Tara."

Tara let out a breath, hearing the underlying bitterness in Sophie's use of the word 'friend.' "So how do you not love correctly?" she indulged, running her thumbs along the ride of the brunette's spine.

"Apparently I compartmentalize everything," Sophie answered, scrunching up her nose a little. "I put people in boxes and label them."

Tara chuckled softly. "Everyone does that, babe. It's part of human nature. If we didn't, everyone would be on even footing in our eyes and that's not really possible."

"Parker thinks it's wrong."

"Parker isn't exactly the poster child for mental stability," Tara answered pointedly. She paused for a moment, allowing her fingers to massage out another knot in Sophie's lower back. "Why do you care what she thinks anyway?"

"Because she's my family," Sophie answered, a response that didn't require much thought. "Besides," she went on, letting out another small sigh, "she's been the only one lately who actually seems to give a toss about me."

There was a noticeable silence that hung in the air after that statement. Tara's hands paused on her back; Sophie could feel her grip tighten before suddenly Tara was climbing off of her in a huff; the massage was obviously over.

"Why don't you just fuck her then," she snapped.

Sophie raised an eyebrow, turning around so she could look at Tara; she didn't look happy. "You're doing the jealousy thing again," Sophie reminded her; it was something Tara wasn't privy too, being only a 'friend' and all.

"I'm not fucking jealous of her, Fi," Tara replied shortly. "I just think it's bullshit that you think no one else but her gives a crap."

"Tara, all you care about is what's between my legs," Sophie told her bluntly as she hoisted herself up into a seated position. "Sometimes I wonder if you even remember I'm a person."

Tara stared at her, offense written all over her face.

"What the fuck was I just doing, huh?" she asked, though obviously rhetorically. "Having a damn conversation, trying to make you relax and feel good. You know how many other people I give massages to? None. I wouldn't spend the whole fucking day here if all I wanted was your pussy; I'd have taken what I wanted from you and left already."

"Like you usually do?" Sophie countered.

"I never claimed to be perfect," Tara replied hotly. "I know I'm not the world's best friend sometimes. But that doesn't mean I don't give a shit."

Sophie wanted to explain to her that saying she gave a shit meant nothing; it was her actions that meant everything, but she knew it would be words wasted. The two of them, for being so similar, saw things so completely differently from one another. It used to not matter; what they had, it used to be fun. But then feelings got involved and now everything just seemed so… _hard._ They seemed to argue more often than not lately and the sad part was, it wasn't even resolving anything. It probably never would, either.

"Maybe we should stop seeing each other."

Sophie didn't actually mean for the words to come out of her mouth, but now that they were out there she couldn't exactly take them back. Tara stared at her; seemingly unable to find the proper response to that. She looked shocked, which made Sophie believe that Tara, even when she gave her the option, never really expected her to leave.

"What?" she asked, looking immensely confused all of a sudden. "_Why?_ Because we're having an argument? That's stupid, Fi."

"It's not because we're having an argument!" Sophie exclaimed, bewildered by Tara's complete lack of notice when she based her living around reading people. "I thought I could do this, but I just can't, Tara. I'm so fucking in love with you that half the time I don't even know what to do with myself. And this? This nonchalant shagging routine we're doing right now? It's hurting me. You have_ no_ idea how much."

Tara continued to stare at her in disbelief, the amount of information Sophie had just piled on her seemingly overwhelming to her. They never spoke of it out loud; Sophie's feelings for her. Noting Tara's reaction, there was probably a reason for it – she obviously couldn't handle it.

"I never asked you to fall in love with me!" Tara shouted, sounding incredibly defensive all of a sudden.

"Tara, what makes love special is that you don't have to ask for it; it's just given to you," Sophie told her softly. She wished more than anything that she understood that, but love seemed to be something Tara Cole would never fully grasp.

"Well I don't want it!"

The pang in her gut felt like a knife. "I know," Sophie whispered, looking away from her. It was the hardest truth that she had to accept, but she had accepted it.

Tara looked at her sadly. She swallowed hard before she told her, voice slightly broken, "You're my best friend, Sophie. I don't want to lose that. I don't… really have anyone else. It's only ever been you."

Sophie didn't say anything, nor did she look at her. She knew the moment she saw the sadness of Tara's face, she'd take it all back. She'd hurt in her place, because that's what you do for someone you love. But she had hurt in her place for far too long and her love wasn't being returned; continuing to torture herself was stupid, and bloody pointless.

"Fi?" Tara tried, her voice holding desperation now.

But Sophie never answered her.

* * *

><p>When Parker opened the door to her warehouse, she probably wasn't expecting the sight of Sophie, drenched from head to toe and looking like she was about to break in half. She was shaking from the cold; her clothes soaked through from walking in the rain for over an hour. Her makeup was smeared down her cheeks, her tears mixing with the water droplets that continued to fall on her with no remorse.<p>

"I want to understand."

Her voice was broken, barely above a whisper. She had spent the better part of the evening feeling rather lost; torn between regretting letting Tara go and trying to convince herself that she did the right thing. But she still felt empty; alone.

Asking Parker to make her understand love was something Sophie never thought she would ever find herself doing. Yet as she walked for miles, her heels giving her blisters and the rain chilling her to the bone, she realized that out of everyone she knew, Parker was the happiest. She loved unconditionally, not allowing herself to get caught up in the drama of labels and questions. Things seemed easy for her; simpler, happier. Sophie desperately wanted to feel that way.

Parker looked at her, frowning a little as she took in her friend's state. For a moment, Sophie thought she saw sympathy in her eyes, but it was always hard to tell with Parker. Sophie took a step forward, her bottom lip trembling as she begged through her tears, "Please, Parker. I just want to understand…" She knew she probably looked and sounded hysterical, but it wasn't often she got her heart broken this way.

"Okay," Parker replied softly. Sophie thought she was going to guide her inside, but instead she stepped out into the rain. She didn't hesitate, she didn't think; she merely cupped her hand around the back of Sophie's neck and brought her lips to hers.

Sophie fell apart.

She sobbed against Parker's mouth, upset that she came here for clarity and instead found herself faced with more confusion. Parker pulled back, not looking phased in the slightest that her first kiss with Sophie made her cry. "Do you understand now?" she asked, looking up at her in question. The rain continued to fall, making Sophie realize that in its entirety, this moment was incredibly screwed up in its perfection.

It was fitting.

Sophie shook her head, trying to breathe through her tears. "No," she admitted weakly. Parker looked disappointed, but moved back to nod her head towards her door.

"It's wet," she told her as a way of invitation, before leading Sophie inside.

Parker let her borrow some of her clothes so she could get dry before letting her crawl into her bed. Sophie curled herself into a ball, silent tears continuing to stream down her cheeks. The only sound that could be heard was sniffling, and though it was quiet, with the way Parker's "room" was set up, it sounded echoing. Parker sat next to her on the bed, looking at Sophie with soft curiosity. Sophie realized she was probably wondering why she showed up here like this.

"I told her I didn't want to see her again," Sophie whispered, her heart clenching in her chest. Her eyelashes seemed heavy as she looked up at Parker, the weight of her tears making her want to close her eyes. But closing her eyes didn't make things go away.

"Good," Parker replied simply.

Sophie knew better than to expect empathy from Parker, but it still hurt. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "I'm a bloody mess," she told her. "Never… in my sodding _life_ have I let someone affect me like this. I'm falling apart."

"You look whole to me," Parker replied, cocking her head to the side as she assessed the woman in front of her. "But you are being kind of dramatic."

Sophie glared at her; she couldn't believe Parker just said that to her. Not having empathy was one thing, but that was just mean.

"My heart just got _broken_, Parker," Sophie replied heatedly, wiping at her tears almost violently. "But I don't expect you to understand; when someone might hurt you, you shut down instead of being brave enough to deal with it."

"Yes, and I don't cry," Parker affirmed, looking down at her. "Ever. You do all the time."

"You can't live your life in a shell; that's not even living."

"It's worked out fine for me."

Sophie scoffed in disbelief, shaking her head. She didn't believe that, but honestly it didn't matter. Parker's inability to deal with negative feelings was a project for another day. Besides, she knew Parker was full of crap; she cried. Maybe not often, but she did. She turned to lie on her back, staring up the ceiling. "I can't believe you called me dramatic."

"You are," Parker told her. Sophie turned to shoot her another glare, but Parker explained, "Tara broke your heart a long time ago. Even when you had her you knew you didn't really have her."

"So?" Sophie snapped, not appreciating being told hurtful truths right now.

"So you knew this was going to happen," Parker told her simply, shrugging. "I know you're sad, but you're acting like the world is ending. The world doesn't revolve around your sex life." She paused, before informing her, "It revolves around the sun," like Sophie didn't know.

"Thank you for the science lesson," Sophie responded dryly, turning her face away from her to scowl at the ceiling instead. "I came here to feel better," she told her after a long stretch of silence. "Instead you're making me feel worse."

"I don't know how to comfort people," Parker told her honestly. Sophie exhaled a shaky breath before turning to look at her again.

"You hold them while they cry. You tell them everything is going to be all right. You _empathize,_ Parker."

"I don't know how to do that either." Parker watched Sophie cover her face with her hands, her upset mixing with frustration. "But if you want to cry again, I can do the holding thing," she offered. Sophie shook her head.

"No, I don't—" _want to cry anymore,_ and yet even as she said it she felt another hot tear slip down her cheek. She tore her hands away from her face in a rage, so sick of not being able to control her own emotions. She was a grifter, for shit's sake – she should be able to find a decent amount of self-control right now. But everything just hurt. Every part of her. "Fuck," she swore, wiping her tears away angrily. "I don't want to be like this. I don't want to do this. I'm bloody_ stronger _than this."

"Do I hold you now?" Parker asked, like she wasn't sure if it was wise to crawl into bed with an angry, crying person.

Sophie didn't want to answer and frankly was sick of all the questions since it was getting in the way of her mental breakdown, so she merely grabbed her instead. She took her arm, pulling Parker down on top of her so fast the thief emitted a small, "Oof!" of surprise. Sophie barely let her have time to get herself into a comfortable position before she curled into her, laying her head on her chest.

"My boobs probably aren't that comfortable," Parker informed her, squirming a little beneath her so she could situate herself into a better position. "They're small."

"Your boobs are fine," Sophie informed her, sniffling a little as she closed her eyes, burying her face further into said boob. "Now please stop talking," she mumbled. The last thing she wanted was to have a conversation about breasts.

"Oh. Sorry," Parker apologized. She finally stopped squirming beneath Sophie, but was now patting the top of her head oddly, like she was a small child being confronted with a pet she wasn't sure how to interact with yet. Sophie dealt with the rhythmic patting of her head, but only because it distracted her from thinking about Tara.

"Am I supposed to tell you everything's going to be okay, or am I supposed to still be quiet?" Parker asked after a couple minutes, suddenly remembering there was a second part to her plan. Sophie sighed, wiping her wet cheeks on Parker's shirt before bringing her hand up to take Parker's off of her head.

"You can talk, just please stop smacking me."

"I was petting you," Parker protested.

"That's not how you pet," Sophie informed her, her voice quiet from feeling so emotionally drained. Explanations were something she didn't want to do right now, but with Parker it was sometimes unavoidable. "Its front to back, not up and down."

"Oh."

Parker tried out Sophie's way of petting then, which was much nicer than the previous five minutes were. Sophie wrapped her arm around Parker's waist, taking a shaky inhale of breath as another tear slipped down her cheek. "I don't know if I'm ever going to see her again," she whispered. "I just wanted space but… I don't know how long it's going to take for everything to stop hurting."

"It'll be okay," Parker told her, reciting the line that she was expected to say. But that's what it sounded like: a line. Parker tried, but in the end she really didn't know much about comfort. Sophie shook her head, sighing softly.

"I just don't understand why she doesn't love me."

It was quiet, barely above a whisper. It sounded so childish, so silly, but it was the question she had been asking herself for months now. She wasn't so pompous that she believed that everyone should fall in love with her, but it was hard to understand how Tara could tell her that she was the only one she had; that it had always been her, and yet was unable to feel the same way she did.

But Sophie supposed she always did have a habit of falling for emotionally unavailable people.

"She's stupid."

Sophie let out a short laugh, that one simple sentence actually brang her some strange sort of comfort. "Thanks," she replied softly, still smiling slightly against Parker's chest.

"For what?"

"For saying something right."

Tara wasn't stupid, but it was what Sophie needed to hear right now. She sniffled, wiping away the last of her tears before tightening her grip around Parker's torso. A comfortable silence washed between the two of them as they laid there, the closeness that Sophie had long since been denied from Tara finally being given to her by someone rather unexpected.

"Why did you kiss me?" Sophie asked suddenly, the memory finally coming to the forefront of her mind now that she was feeling a little less… hysterical. It was utterly confusing; to her it meant the obvious, but she knew better than to believe that the obvious was what Parker thought. She always saw things differently than what they were.

"You wanted to understand," Parker answered simply. She shrugged lightly. "I guess it didn't work though."

Sophie turned her head to look up at her. "Then explain it to me," she requested.

Parker scrunched her face to the side, as if debating on whether or not trying to explain it would help. But she seemed to decide it couldn't hurt to try, because she looked down at her. "You wanted someone to love you, like how you love Tara," she started. "You keep looking for someone to put you in a box. You're so stuck on the stupid box that you can't see when someone loves you unless they label it." Parker shrugged lightly. "I don't label things. I like disarray; it makes things more interesting – less contained."

Sophie felt her heart rate triple and she looked at Parker in astonishment. "Parker, what exactly are you trying to say?" she asked, needing this to be spelt out for her. She thought she knew, but she also was pretty sure she wanted to be wrong.

"That I love you," Parker told her slowly, her tone indicating that it should have been rather obvious and that Sophie was slow for not being able to come to that conclusion herself. "Duh."

Sophie sat up a little suddenly; needing to face her better as she asked, "Are you in love with me?" Her voice went up a couple octaves, her eyes widening. For wanting someone to love her, suddenly the thought became rather frightening.

Parker gave her a look like she was being stupid. "You're labeling things again."

"_Parker."_

"I love you like I love everyone I love," Parker answered, like the answer was so simple; yet all Sophie could see was the complication in it. "It's not just one thing to me; it's everything. I told you that before."

Sophie continued to stare at her, trying to make sense of what Parker was saying. It did, actually, make a whole lot more sense than she was willing to admit, but she seemed rather hesitant to actually accept the fact that Parker loved her in every way that she could possibly love a person. Not just because she loved_ her_ like that, but because apparently she loved the whole team like that. It was, honestly, a little weird. But then again, Parker had never been the epitome of normalcy either.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Parker asked, not understanding the expression on Sophie's face.

But Sophie couldn't exactly understand her own feelings at the moment either, so she didn't really have an answer for her. It should make her feel happy, that there was someone out there that did truly love her, but it only stood to make her feel… well, rather bloody stupid. It wasn't often that something stared at her in the face for years and Sophie was unable to see it. It made her wonder maybe, if she had noticed it sooner, things would have been different. But it was a stupid thought – Parker was… well, she was _Parker._ She couldn't –

"You know, even when your face is all twisted up like that, you're still really pretty."

It was said to her in the way Parker said everything; with mild fascination and with a steady voice, noting it as fact and not opinion. She was merely observing Sophie's confused expression and stating her findings. But for some reason it felt like more than that to Sophie and the next thing she knew, her lips were on Parker's; fingers tangling in the thief's hair as she kissed her in a way that could only be described as startlingly possessive.

It was odd, seeing as she never thought of Parker as hers. Then again, five seconds ago she was pretty sure she could never really go 'there' with Parker, and now she was kissing her.

Maybe this whole thing with Tara had made her go mad.

Parker reciprocated with as much passion for being owned as Sophie had for possessing her in the moment. Her hand cupped the back of her neck as she leaned up, allowing herself to get as close to the grifter as she could. As her tongue slipped against Sophie's, the brunette found her brain going completely, gloriously blank for a moment as she emitted a soft sound of approval. Parker was, surprisingly, an excellent kisser.

But it was when Sophie had Parker lying beneath her a few minutes later, hand halfway up her shirt and thigh nestled snuggly between her legs, that what she was doing finally hit her. She pulled away from her suddenly, a little short for breath as she looked down at the girl beneath her.

Shit, what did she just do?

"Do you want me to get naked now?" Parker asked, between attempting to catch her breath herself as she looked up at Sophie, wondering if that was why she stopped the kissing.

"Fuck," Sophie groaned, sliding off of her as her hand ran through her hair in frustration and disappointment. She shouldn't have done that.

"Yeah," Parker affirmed, like she was being slow. "That's what I wanted to do." She peered up at Sophie, finally taking notice of the distressed look on her face. "Oh," she said softly, getting it now. "You don't want to."

"I'm so sorry," Sophie apologized, feeling ashamed of her lack of control. "I just broke it off with Tara – I can't do this to you. I _won't_ do this to you." God, one word from Parker about her being pretty and she practically jumped her – what was she, fifteen? She knew her emotions were fucked five ways to Sunday right now, but that wasn't any excuse.

"Do what to me?" Parker asked, sounding confused as she hoisted herself up into a seated position.

Sophie sighed, looking at her regrettably. "I can't use you to forget about her. That's not fair to you, especially because of the way you feel about me."

Parker blinked, not understanding what Sophie was saying to her. "But wouldn't sex make you happy?"

"Probably, but—"

"Then I want to make you happy."

If asked to put into words how that one sentence made her feel emotionally, Sophie wouldn't be able to do it. But it did make her warm inside considerably and she gave Parker a soft smile. "I know, sweetie. But I'm not in the best frame of mind for decision making right now – I don't want to hurt you."

"You can't hurt me."

It was said with so much determination that Sophie couldn't help but look at her disbelievingly. Regardless of how much negative emotion Parker tried to suppress, there were just some things that couldn't be.

"Yes, I can," Sophie replied regrettably. "Probably more than you even realize. But I won't."

* * *

><p>"No."<p>

"Sophie—"

"I said _no,_ Nate. We're not calling her."

The atmosphere in the room suddenly became very awkward. Hardison coughed, turning back to his computer and Parker fidgeted in her seat uncomfortably. Even Eliot looked like he didn't want to be here for this.

Nate didn't look amused by being shot down when, well, he has always called the shots around here. "Sophie, we need another grifter. I don't know what went on between the two of you and I probably _never_ want to know, but Tara is our only option right now if we want to pull this off."

"They were sex buddies," Parker informed him, which made Sophie whip around and look at her disbelievingly. "What?" Parker asked, noting her expression. "If she works with us, he'll probably find out anyway."

Sophie felt her face color from that being very much out in the open now, but she set her jaw and attempted to compose herself as she turned back to Nate. He looked like he didn't know how to respond to that information.

"It didn't end particularly well," she finished, trying to keep this as professional as she could, even though at the moment she was possibly compromising a job because of this. It had only been a month since the last time she spoke to her. "I'd really rather not see her right now. One of the others can grift."

"Who?" Nate asked, apparently deciding to stick to business instead of spouting off at Sophie about personal shit, at least for right now. Sophie knew it was coming though; once he got her alone. "Hardison's useless; he got himself kidnapped last time he tried, Parker's emotionally unstable and prone to stabbing people—"

"Dude, we're _right here,"_ Hardison exclaimed, offended by his choice of wording. But Nate was annoyed and when he was annoyed, he didn't really care about anyone's feelings. Not that he did much normally.

"—And Eliot can't watch our backs if he's chatting up rich socialites. He'll blow cover."

Sophie didn't even bother asking about him; Nate always situated himself into the leadership role, which the second grifter in this job was not. Sophie put her hands on her hips, not liking the options she was being presented with.

"I'm not going to work with her, Nate. Especially not when the job requires drinking." For the plan to work, both of them needed their blood alcohol level to be above .20 – strangely enough, the rapist, the bastard of a mark, liked to find out exactly how sloshed he could make his victims (couples, though oddly the gender wasn't preferred) before he could take them. It made her sick to think about.

"They always have sex when they're drunk."

"Yes, _thank you,_ Parker," Sophie hissed, grinding her teeth. Parker did not have to explain every little thing to them right now. "Please stop trying to help me."

Parker mocked her silently before folding her arms across her chest and frowning; which Sophie saw out of her peripheral. She sighed; she'd deal with that later.

Nate stared at her, his face expressionless except for his eyes; he was angry, jealous. He slid his cell phone across the table to her. "Call her," he ordered her. "This isn't a discussion."

Sophie had the urge to throw the phone at his head, but suppressed it.

* * *

><p>"Sophie?"<p>

Sophie turned from the mirror, only to be greeted by Parker's lips pressing against hers. When the thief pulled away she requested, "Don't have sex with her. Don't get raped either. Okay?"

Sophie gave her a soft smile, bringing her hand up to cup Parker's cheek before moving to sweep it down the length of her hair. Her concern was sweet. "I'll be fine, I promise." She didn't mention the kiss; Parker had been slipping them in here and there when she thought she could get away with it. So far, she was getting away with a hell of a lot.

Sophie would be lying if she said she didn't like the attention; it was genuine for once, not something used to get her into bed. Though she was sure Parker would enjoy that, she also seemed to enjoy just being able to be near her. It was a nice feeling.

Regardless, Sophie wasn't ready for anything more than that. What happened with Tara still hurt, which made this job even harder. The other grifter was in the far room, getting changed herself. They hadn't spoken a word to each other since she got here, which was making everything even more awkward.

Parker still looked a little worried though, which apparently in her brain translated to 'more kissing.' Whether it was to make herself feel better or to make Sophie remember that there was someone who actually loved her, Sophie wasn't sure. But she liked it all the same.

"Sophie, Nate wants you to—_whoa."_

The minute Sophie heard Hardison's voice she pulled away from Parker, guilt plastered all over her face. _Shit._ Hardison was the last person she wanted to know about what may or may not be going on with her and Parker. He liked her. He had liked her for a _while._ And they… were kind of starting to actually get somewhere with it, until Parker recently decided to pay more attention to Sophie for whatever reason.

"Really?" He asked angrily, looking at Sophie. _"Really?"_

"I'm trying to make sure she doesn't have sex with Tara," Parker explained, like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"And you have to stick your tongue down her throat to do that?" Hardison asked, not sounding pleased by her explanation at all.

"Well duh – Sophie's gay," Parker replied, like he was being stupid. "Otherwise I'd make Nate do it." She picked up her equipment bag before walking out the room without another word, or another care in the world, it seemed, that she just outed Sophie as _gay _when Sophie herself hadn't even admitted to the fact that that might actually be true. She was very much more gay than straight it seemed, anyway. At least lately.

"Hardison…" Sophie tried, sounding incredibly apologetic. She didn't want him to witness that.

Hardison held up his hand to stop her. "I really don't want to hear it. That's fucked up, Sophie." He took a breath, trying to calm his anger at her for a moment. "Nate wants you to make sure you and Tara wear the button cams as well as the ear buds, for extra protection."

"Fine," Sophie replied softly. Hardison turned to walk away, but Sophie knew she couldn't leave it like this. "Hardison," she called out, making him stop momentarily. "I'm not… trying to take her away from you. I promise. It was only a kiss."

"Yeah?" Hardison replied disbelievingly, turning to face that. "Tell that to her; she's been practically up your ass the last couple months. At least now I know _why_." The look he gave her cut her deep; he felt betrayed, and rightfully so. Friends didn't do these kinds of things to each other.

Sophie didn't know what to say to that; it was true, after all. Parker and her had been spending a lot of time with each other. "I'm sorry," she told him softly, feeling awful. "I never asked for this."

"Yeah, well," Hardison started, voice even as he looked her dead in the eyes. "You got it anyway. So don't hurt her or I swear to god I will make every identity you've ever had disappear. You won't exist in _any_ form by the time I'm done."

Sophie stared at him, the fact that he gave her his unwilling acceptance – just because he cared _that_ much for Parker's happiness – making her feel even worse. "Understood," she whispered.

"_Good."_

The door he slammed when he left made Sophie jump. She didn't know how she was going to make it through the rest of the day; the Parker situation was bad, the Hardison situation was worse, and the Tara situation was bound to be catastrophic. The Nate situation, well, that had yet to blow up in her face but she knew it was coming. And Eliot… thankfully, Eliot didn't give much thought or care to how she lived her personal life, which at the moment she was incredibly thankful for.

She sighed heavily; tonight was going to be awful.

* * *

><p>The con wasn't going as smoothly as they would have hoped.<p>

Honestly, it was all Tara's bloody fault. For some reason she decided that her hands were allowed to be _everywhere_. Which, okay, fine, they were playing the role of a couple, but Sophie was sure she was doing it just to make her uncomfortable; Tara was obviously still pissed Sophie up and left her without a word.

It got worse when she kissed her; though mainly because Parker's voice came over their com exclaiming, "Don't do that! She's going to make you cry again!" which everyone ended up hearing, including Tara. It was bloody embarrassing, honestly. But they both were professionals, so Sophie dealt with it and played off of her seamlessly. Still, it infuriated her.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Sophie demanded once their part of the con was over and they had left the building.

"I was doing my job," Tara replied flatly. "That's what you asked me to come here to do, right? You're lucky I even showed up in the first place after you _left_ like that."

"I needed some bloody space!" Sophie exclaimed, the pace of her stride increasing due to her fury as they walked over to the car. "You did that on purpose; we could have come off as a couple without you being obnoxiously all over me like that. You were trying to piss me off."

"Well excuse the fuck out of me," Tara snapped as she opened the passenger side door. "It worked, didn't it? I don't know why you're throwing a fit at me right now, but you're acting like a child."

"Guys!" Nate exclaimed, his voice floating in over the coms as Tara and Sophie climbed into their car. "The job isn't over; put your coms on mute if you're going to have spat. For fuck's sake, no one wants to hear your drama. Parker, I need you to—"

But Sophie didn't hear the rest of that. She ripped the com out of her ear, throwing it on the dashboard angrily and Tara switched hers on mute. She knew Nate wasn't happy, but she didn't need his crap on top of Tara's right now. But instead of starting the car and heading back to the hotel they were planning to meet at, she rested her elbow on the door as she covered her eyes with her hand. She was trying to desperately to keep her emotions under control, but this was something she wasn't ready to deal with. She took a deep breath, making sure her upset didn't end up turning into tears.

Tara stared at her from the passenger seat, jaw locked. "I was just doing my job," she reiterated. "This wasn't personal."

"Bullshit!" Sophie exclaimed, rounding on her. "You knew I couldn't deal with you being like that with me right now, that's why you did it."

"It was a_ grift_, Sophie. An act."

"Don't speak to me like I'm stupid," Sophie snapped. "I bloody well know the difference, and that? That wasn't an act, Tara. I've known you long enough to know _that."_

Tara stared at her, not looking entirely thrilled that she just got called out like that. "Fine," she relented. "I was pissed at you and I knew it would bother you; that's why I did it. Alright? Are you happy?"

"Not bloody particularly."

"Well I'm not sorry I did it. So if you're sitting here waiting for an apology before we head back to the hotel, we're going to be here for awhile."

Sophie looked at her disbelievingly. "Why do you have to be such a prat all the time? I understand that you're angry with me for breaking it off, but it isn't like I didn't give you a reason. What you did was cruel, Tara, and it certainly didn't make things any easier."

"You didn't just break it off, Fi; that's the fucking problem!" Tara exclaimed, furious that Sophie didn't understand why she was angry. "You cut me out of your life! How the hell do you think I'm supposed to feel about that, huh? I lost my best friend; of course I'm pissed off!"

"Well I lost the woman I loved; so in comparison to shitty things, I think I win," Sophie spat angrily. "Besides, you're the last person to complain about being cut off; the last time_ you_ needed space, I didn't hear from you for months!"

"That was different!"

"_How?"_

"Because I always knew I would come back," Tara replied heatedly. "I always knew I'd fucking come back to you, because I don't have anyone else! You have _them!"_ She was pointing out the window angrily, chest heaving from the anger of having to admit an insecurity to Sophie for the first time. Sophie looked at her, temporarily rendered mute from Tara's unspoken, yet obvious fear that Tara didn't think she needed her or wanted her because she had her team. Her family.

"Fuck," Tara swore, giving up before she grabbed Sophie's face in her hands, crushing their lips together. The passion behind it was bruising, stealing the air from Sophie's lungs as a wave of emotions crashed over her. It was entirely too much to handle. "You're the only one I have, Sophie," Tara told her desperately between kisses. "I don't want to let you go."

"Tara, please don't do this…" Sophie begged softly, feeling the tears well up in her eyes. But Tara didn't stop. She swallowed Sophie's protests, her tongue sweeping into her mouth as she took what she knew Sophie would give her, regardless of whether it was best for her or not.

But that always seemed to be the basis of their relationship, so Sophie was probably stupid to think she could change it.

* * *

><p>Tara left as soon as the job was over, but Sophie promised to call her so they could... somehow find a middle ground between them. Sophie didn't want to cut her completely out of her life, but she couldn't go on the way they were. They nearly had sex in the car; Sophie was willing to let her take her again, was willing to let her break her heart again for whatever bloody stupid reason, but when Tara moved to take off her shirt she was reminded that, <em>shit,<em> they both were still wearing button cams.

Sophie was sure she didn't want to know how much of that Hardison ended up witnessing.

She knew it was enough, however, by the scathing look he shot her when they got back. Fearing for the safety of her many, _many_ aliases, Sophie ended up having to pull him aside the next day.

"Parker and I aren't exclusive," she told him, needing him to realize she wasn't cheating on her. But then she scrunched up her face, realizing what she just alluded to. "Actually we're not even… anything, really. But she knows that. She understands that Tara is something that's hard for me to get over. Alright?"

But Hardison merely dismissed it with an angry, "Ain't none of my business," before finding a way to slip away from her. It was probably the last thing he ever wanted to talk to her about.

Her identities were safe the next day, but it took a long while until Hardison could look at her without glaring.

Parker, on the other hand, was worried that her kissing Tara again for the con was going to screw up all the work she had done to try to make her happy. Parker exclaimed that Tara was going to "ruin everything" before she pushed Sophie up against a wall, pinning her there before she kissed her with silent desperation, trying to "undo" everything Tara had done.

It turned into, by far, the heaviest make out session they had ever had. It probably would have turned into more, if not for Sophie remembering the entirety of her love life was completely fucked to hell. Still, Parker managed to make it to second base… and that was with her mouth, not her hands. She left Sophie completely flushed, wanton, and confused before informing her that they were going to meet up for coffee in the afternoon. Then she left, because Parker never pushed when Sophie told her they needed to slow down.

Parker had never asked her to meet her anywhere (though to be fair, she more _told_ her than asked), so she found herself intrigued, probably against her better judgment. When she sat down, Parker slid the coffee she got for her across the table.

"This is a date," she informed her, before even saying hello. She wanted Sophie to know exactly what her intentions were so there wasn't any confusion.

Sophie raised her eyebrows. "Oh?" she inquired, not really sure what to say after being blindsided by that. It certainly wasn't what she was expecting.

"Yes," Parker replied, fidgeting in her seat a little as her fingers drummed nervously against her coffee cup. "If you're mine, you can't be hers. If you can't be hers, maybe you can be happy."

"Parker…"

"I got you these," Parker interrupted, obviously not wanting to hear Sophie's protests that this was probably far too soon. She turned around, grabbing the vase off of the table next to her and placing it in front of her. It was filled with roses.

The gesture was sweet, though it made Sophie chuckle a little. "Parker, you can't give me those. They belong to the café." There were a dozen other vases like it scattered around the room.

"No," Parker protested. "I just stole them, therefore they're mine. I'm giving them to you. Do you like them?"

Sophie smiled at her softly. It had been a long time since anyone had given her flowers, even if they were stolen. "They're beautiful," she told her honestly. "But we can't walk out of here with these."

"Why not?"

Sophie gave her a patient look. "Parker, if you'd like to give me flowers I would… well, I would love it, honestly," she admitted quietly, flushing slightly despite herself. "But please buy them."

"Don't you like stolen things?"

"I like expensive stolen things," Sophie told her. She just didn't want to walk out of here with these so she was trying to give her an excuse, though it was true nonetheless. But this coffee shop was small, probably privately owned, and taking their flowers wasn't very nice.

"Like paintings?"

"Yes."

"Hm," Parker mused for a moment, bringing the coffee cup up to her lips to take a sip. When she put it down she informed her, "I can get you one, if you want. There's a Monet on display at the Museum of Fine Arts. Their security is a joke; I could get in there blindfolded." She paused, smiling a bit at that thought. "I should do that, actually; that sounds like fun. Do you want to go now?"

Sophie chucked before taking a sip of her coffee. Of course Parker's idea of a first date would be to steal something together. "Let's just see where the afternoon takes us, okay?" Though her first instinct was to tell Parker it was too soon for them to have a date, she couldn't deny how happy it made her feel. Tara had never bothered with that formality.

It was strange; feeling things for Parker. She never thought in a million years she would because she always looked at the girl as a younger sister of sorts. Things were definitely changing between them.

"Okay," Parker replied, giving her a small smile. But then she pursed her lips, looking around the café. "So what do people usually do on coffee dates anyway?"

"Talk mostly," Sophie answered, a little amused that Parker had taken her out on a date and then didn't exactly know what to do when they got there. She looked at her curiously, "Have you ever been on a date before? Coffee or otherwise."

"Nope. No one's ever asked me," Parker replied, shrugging. Sophie's eyebrows rose from that information; never, in her entire life? Parker didn't seem bothered by it in the slightest, even though it made Sophie feel a little bad for her. "We're both girls though, so there was no guy to ask us. So I asked you instead."

"Parker, this is the twenty first century; you could have asked a man on a date if you wanted to. There doesn't need to be formality to it."

"I never wanted to ask a guy before," Parker answered, then paused as she reassessed that. "Well, maybe Hardison. Once."

Sophie immediately felt bad by the mention of the hacker's name.

"He really likes you, you know," Sophie mentioned softly, looking down at her coffee. Her fingers drummed against the cup absentmindedly.

"I know. I like him too," Parker replied simply. "But he's not the one who's unhappy right now; you are."

Sophie looked up at her, not exactly liking the way she just said that. "Are you trying to tell me that once I'm happy, you're going to just… go?"

"Go where?" Parker asked, confused. "I live here, Sophie."

"No, I mean… are you just dating me to make me happy? Am I just some kind of_ project_ to you?" Sophie's last question was filled with offense.

"I… um," Parker started, obviously taken aback by Sophie suddenly getting upset with her. "I don't understand the question. What?"

Sophie took a deep breath as she shook her head. "Never mind. This was probably a bad idea," she told her as she rose from the chair, leaving her coffee on the table before she began to walk out of the café.

"No, Sophie!" Parker exclaimed, jumping up out of her chair before running after her. She caught her right as she walked out the door, grabbing a hold of her hand. "Please don't go; I didn't understand! I'm sorry I'm making you upset; this was supposed to be a good date, not a bad one!"

Sophie allowed Parker to stop her, knowing she wasn't being fair by walking out without getting a proper explanation from the girl. She sighed softly before she turned around, leaning against the side of the building. "Is this real, Parker?" she asked her quietly.

"Yeah," Parker replied, obviously still not understanding. "This is real life, Sophie; not a dream. If it was a dream we'd be naked already and Eliot would be dressed up like a duck."

Despite how she was feeling, that made her giggle a little: the mental image of Eliot in a duck costume was quite funny. She took a breath before chewing softly on her bottom lip, looking at Parker who had an expression of someone who so desperately wanted to please, but didn't know how. She reached out, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind the thief's ear.

"What I was trying to ask," she started, trying to make Parker understand, "was if we were to start dating—"

"We are dating. Right now. This is a date."

Sophie ignored her and continued, "—how long do you think it'll be until we stop? Once I'm happy, are you going to be done with me or are we going to… continue this?"

Parker blinked, thinking about that for a moment. "I don't know," she answered honestly. "I'm not psychic. Will you still want me when you're happy?"

"If you're the one to make me happy, then yes, I would say so."

"Oh." Parker smiled a little, "Well, I like making you happy. It makes me feel good. So if I keep doing that, then we'll be both be happy, right? So why would we stop?"

That was a very good question.

**TBC…**


	3. PART III

**PART III**

"Miss me yet?"

Sophie pursed her lips and leaned back in her armchair, cradling the phone to her ear. "I always miss you, Tara."

It was such a conflicting feeling; talking to the woman she was in love with while she was dating someone else. It was a week after her and Parker's first date; and yes, she ended up getting her that Monet. It was currently hanging over her mantle. Afterwards, Parker told her that she would get her anything she wanted. While Sophie didn't want her to have think she had to buy her affections, just hearing her say that was… really,_ really_ sweet. So she allotted a second date, then a third. All in one week. She had never moved so fast with someone in her life, but it actually felt… natural.

It was strange.

Tara started to say something, but Sophie interrupted her. "I'm dating Parker," she told her, all in one breath. That was why she called; she needed Tara to understand that things were changing. They had to change; otherwise she was sure she would be go insane. She figured if she could just spit it out it would be easier.

There was a very pregnant pause that followed that revelation.

And then Tara laughed. "No, seriously."

Sophie sighed, closing her eyes for a moment. "I am being serious," she told her. She knew it sounded ridiculous; if someone would have told her a year ago that she would be, she would have laughed. But… it was what had happened. Sophie wasn't even sure how anymore.

Tara fell silent again, probably shocked mute. Finally she asked, "Are you drunk? That's practically statutory rape, Fi."

Sophie's mouth dropped open. "She's an _adult_, Tara!"

"She thinks like a child," Tara countered. "Well, a child with a very extensive knowledge of thievery. I'll give her that."

"Just because she sees the world a little differently, doesn't mean she sees it through a child's eyes!" Sophie defended, becoming increasingly offended as this conversation went on. Tara was acting like what she was doing was _wrong;_ dirty, somehow. "Trust me, she can handle adult situations just fine."

"I bet," Tara responded dryly. Sophie heard her take a breath before she asked, "Is this some kind of kinky thing? Do you get off by teaching her how to go down on you or something? Cause that's fucking weird."

"I'm not—!" Sophie started angrily, but stopped halfway through as her anger clouded her thoughts and she lost her train of thoughts. "Christ, Tara. We're not even having sex. But I'm sure she'll preform more than adequately when that time comes, _thank you_. Why are you trying to make me feel horrible?"

"You're not even having sex?" Tara asked, like the concept was foreign to her. "Then how can you tell me you're dating?"

"Because she's taken me out on _dates,_ Tara," Sophie replied, in disbelief that Tara really thought that the only way one could date someone was to be shagging them. "That's what dating is."

"Yeah, well, have fun with _that,"_ Tara replied sarcastically. "Why are you even telling me this? Are you trying to rub it in my face or something?"

"No, of course not," Sophie replied, sighing a little. She rubbed her temples as she explained to her, "I just… needed you to be aware of what was going on. I want us to be friends, but I can't find myself naked and in your bed the next time I see you. That wouldn't be fair to Parker."

Silence fell over the line for a moment. "So you called to tell me that we can't fuck anymore." It was a statement, not a question.

"You already knew I couldn't handle it before, so this shouldn't come as too much of a surprise," Sophie explained to her quietly. "But… yes. I just… well, honestly I thought you deserved to know that circumstances had changed. I didn't want you to feel blindsided by it when we do finally see each other again."

Silence.

Then, "Fine. Thanks for the head's up." It was immediately followed by the line going dead; Tara had hung up on her.

Sophie sighed heavily. _Great._

* * *

><p>Nate was in the middle of another spiel, when Parker raised her hand.<p>

"Can me and Sophie be excused from this job?"

Everyone looked at her strangely; including Sophie. She didn't know why Parker would be requesting a leave of absence for the both of them – their jobs were important, after all. Besides, nothing was going on; at least that's what she thought.

Nate looked annoyed by this request. "What? _Why?"_

"Because I need to take her on our sixth date. I think she'll have sex with me this time."

Sophie groaned, putting her head in her hands.

Nate stared at her in disbelief. Hardison looked torn between being embarrassed and being pissed off. And Eliot… well, he started laughing. Hard.

"This just gets better and better. Holy shit. Fuckin' priceless."

Sophie moved her hands away from her face, but only to shoot Eliot a glare.

"No one is excused for sex," Nate told her, though his glare was aimed at Sophie. Why is it that she gets blamed for bloody everything around here? "Ever. _Any_ of you," he went on, now looking at Eliot who held out his hands like 'what the fuck did I do?'

"Nate, this is a serious problem," Parker told him evenly, like having this conversation was the most natural thing in the world. "I need to have sex with her. Bad things happen when you don't have sex with your girlfriend; I saw it on TV." She crossed her arms over her chest and looked at him like her problem has now become _his _problem.

"Parker!" Sophie protested, mouth agape. "Please, stop. This is _not_ how you're going to achieve that, believe me." Christ, she couldn't believe this conversation was really happening. She was sure she was turning so red her head was about to pop off.

"But I don't understand why you won't have sex with me," Parker replied. She actually looked hurt by it. Shit. "Is it because my boobs aren't as big as Tara's?"

"What? _No,"_ Sophie assured her. "Look, we'll talk about this later okay? Please." She was trying to hide her embarrassment, but it wasn't really working. Sophie hated not looking put together.

Nate was staring at her, looking less than pleased. "Sophie, a word. Now," he demanded, moving towards the backroom. Sophie sighed, getting up to follow him. This wasn't going to be pleasant.

Eliot was still chuckling in the corner. "See? This is why I don't need no damn TV, Hardison: life is way more entertaining."

Hardison responded to him by giving him the finger.

When Sophie closed the door behind them, Nate rounded on her. "What are you _doing?"_ he demanded.

Sophie set her jaw, not appreciating his tone. "My personal life is none of your business, Nate."

"Well it becomes my business when shit like _that_ happens," he told her angrily, pointing out the door. "This is going to end badly and you know it. You can't use Parker as a rebound. For fuck's sake, what do you think is going to happen when you realize you're making a mistake? You're going to end up tearing up the team if you hurt her like that." He started gesturing erratically as he exclaimed, "Jesus _Christ._ This is why we never dated, Sophie. It wasn't because I was a drunk or whatever else you thought it was – it was because relationships are going to fuck with the team. We can't afford that. After everything we've done, it's safer for all of us if we stay together."

"First of all, don't you_ dare_ presume to know how I feel about _anyone,"_ Sophie started, furious because he assumed she was making a mistake. "Secondly, just because you like to deprive yourself of happiness, doesn't mean I do. I didn't plan for this, all right? Never in a million years did I think that _Parker _would be the one to make me happy. But she does. Okay? She _does."_

"Nothing lasts forever, Sophie," Nate told her seriously. "So tell me, what's going to happen when this little _'thing'_ you have ends? We all bore witness to how well that worked out with Tara."

"Tara was different!" Sophie exclaimed. "Tara was emotionally unavailable."

Nate laughed. "What the hell do you think Parker is?"

"Parker has shown me more emotion, more _affection,_ than Tara ever did," Sophie replied evenly. "Maybe she doesn't show a lot of it normally, but you'd be surprised how much she's actually capable of."

"And what the hell do you plan to do about Hardison?" Nate asked, apparently deciding to ignore practically everything Sophie was saying just so he could lecture her some more.

"I.." Sophie started, really hating this topic whenever it came up. "I've already spoke to him about it. I know he's not happy, but he's given his consent. Sort of."

"Sort of," Nate deadpanned.

"He threatened to make every single one of my identities disappear if I hurt her."

Nate actually smirked at that. "Good. I'll let him. Don't fuck up the team, Sophie. I'm serious." He moved to walk away, signaling the end of the conversation, but he stopped before he got to the door. "And tell Parker to stop talking about stuff like that while we're in a meeting – no one wants to know. Seriously."

"Trust me, I'm not thrilled about you all knowing that stuff either," Sophie replied, looking out at Parker once Nate opened the door.

She wasn't really looking forward to this conversation.

* * *

><p>"Are you going to yell?" Parker asked apprehensively as they sat in Sophie's living room later that day.<p>

Sophie sighed softly. "No, Parker. I'm not going to yell." She knew it wasn't her fault that she didn't understand what was appropriate. She moved to sit next to her on the couch, placing her hand on the thief's thigh. "But you need to understand something," she told her, making sure she had eye contact before she continued. "I'm not comfortable with the whole team knowing what is or isn't going on in our… relationship." Sophie had hesitated calling it that, but she supposed that's what they had… on some level. She had told Tara that they couldn't have sex anymore because of her, after all. Being ready to be exclusive had to mean something. "I know my last relationship turned into a mess that everyone ended up knowing about, but that actually lasted for five years. How long did you know about it?"

Parker scrunched up her face, thinking about that. "Six months," she answered.

"Exactly. I'm a really private person, Parker. At least I try to be, anyway. I know that can be difficult when one spends all their time with the same people. But… I would appreciate if you would respect that. What happens with us… that's between us, alright?"

"Sorry," Parker mumbled, picking invisible lint off her jeans. "I just don't understand why you won't have sex with me. Do you think I'm ugly? Because I'm not."

Sophie smirked a little at Parker informing her that she would be very wrong if she thought that. "I definitely don't think you're ugly, Parker. You're beautiful." She tucked a piece of hair behind the thief's ear, prompting Parker to look up at her. She looked so innocent. Sophie gave her a half smile before she explained, "It's not something you're doing wrong, okay? You're doing everything right. But I just got out of relationship where all we did was shag. I'm just… enjoying the other side of things right now, okay?"

Parker sighed, disappointed. "Okay," she relented; sounding like a kid that just got told they couldn't have ice cream. "I just really wanted to see you naked."

Sophie smirked. "We don't need to have sex for you to see me naked, sweetie."

_That_ got Parker's attention. She perked up immediately. "Really?"

"Really," Sophie told her, enjoying the air of mystery she currently held. "Let me take_ you_ out tonight, alright? I promise nudity will be involved, if that's what you want."

"I want that," Parker told her quickly. "I very much want that. I dream about that." She scrunched up her nose as she admitted, "Every night, actually. You're very kinky in my dreams, Sophie. Are you kinky in the real world too?"

Sophie just laughed.

* * *

><p>"Naked time!" Parker announced excitedly before stripping off her clothes in a very <em>impressive<em> amount of time. She took off running down the bank without even waiting for Sophie before she practically flung herself in the water.

Sophie chuckled, watching Parker come up spluttering. "Holy shit, it's cold!" she exclaimed, apparently not expecting that. But it was September; of course the water wouldn't be very warm. The lake they were at was secluded and the moon shown in the water almost ethereally. It was very beautiful. It was even better when the scene included a naked Parker; that was definitely the most beautiful thing about it.

Maybe Sophie underestimated how much the girl's nudity would affect her. She had thought they could just swim naked together to sate Parker's need of seeing her nude, but seeing her nipples get as hard as rocks because of the temperature of the water was doing something to Sophie. She bit her bottom lip, taking in every curve of the thief's body.

"Are you coming or not?" Parker asked impatiently.

"I'm coming," Sophie replied. She had the stray thought of how she might_ really_ be coming soon if she doesn't control herself, but she quickly suppressed that thought before her brain started to toy with the idea in graphic detail.

As she undressed, she did it slowly. Partly out of hesitation, but partly because she knew she would be holding Parker's undivided attention if she did it that way. She wasn't wrong. Parker stared at her unashamedly, making no effort to hide the fact that she was checking out everything she had to offer.

As Sophie stepped out of her knickers – the last of her clothing – she found herself coloring a little. It was odd; she wasn't particularly embarrassed about being nude, but the intensity of Parker's gaze made her flush. But she held her head high as she walked down the bank.

"I want to eat you," Parker breathed, obviously without much thought to what she was saying, because she revised quickly with, "Not in the cannibal way. But you look like you taste like caramel."

Sophie smirked a little as she started wading into the water. It was cold, but not unbearable. "I'm pretty sure I don't taste like caramel."

"I don't care," Parker told her honestly, still staring intently at Sophie's body as she got in the water. "I want to eat you anyway."

Sophie tried to hide her smile; she was pleased that she got that kind of reaction from Parker. "Patience," she reminded her as she found herself submerged up to her waist, only a foot away from the thief. She shivered a little, but it wasn't bad; she knew she'd get used to the temperature.

"I don't think I have any of that."

Sophie could see the hungry look in Parker's eyes. And Parker, being the epitome of impulsiveness, probably wasn't going to be able to hold herself back much longer unless she really, really tried to. "Well, you're going to learn some," Sophie told her softly, but pointedly.

"I don't think I want to."

Parker got a little closer to her, prompting Sophie to swim away. "Parker…" she warned softly.

"I've never done this," Parker told her honestly, sounding a little pained. She was wringing her hands together in an attempt to not go against what Sophie wanted. "I just… take things, when I want them. This is making me twitchy, Sophie. I want to touch you. I want to lick you. I want to fuck you. I want to make you come. I want to make you _scream."_

_Jesus Christ._

Sophie never expected anything so blatantly sexual coming from Parker and it stole the breath from her. She felt her insides heat up as her inner walls contracted almost violently. She was probably fighting a losing battle, as that one statement made Sophie completely and utterly wet and needy, but this wasn't what she wanted.

"I want that too," she admitted in a breathy whisper, knowing she sounded like a hormonal wreck. But there wasn't anything she could really do about that. "But… I think waiting will be good for us."

"Waiting is stupid," Parker told her, continuing to inch towards her. "I want to know what you feel like on the inside. I want to know what you taste like if it isn't caramel."

Suddenly Sophie felt herself stop short, Parker having backed her up against a large rock; successfully trapping her. Her heart rate had increased significantly, her breathing shallowing so much that her chest was heaving. She knew her pupils were dilated and that Parker could see that; she knew she was turning her on.

She also knew she was winning.

"Let me?" Parker requested softly, closing the distance between them to press her body flush against hers. Sophie was pretty sure she was going to come on the spot. Parker kept her hands to herself, but her lips were only a fraction of an inch away from Sophie's; her breath was tickling her oversensitive lips and she swore she could feel it all the way down to her clit. "Please, Sophie?"

"I'm going to be so mad at you tomorrow," Sophie warned her, her voice barely audible; she swore Parker stole the breath from her. Her eyes fluttered closed as Parker's lips brushed lightly against hers. She knew in about two seconds Parker was going to have all of her.

"That's okay," Parker breathed against her lips. "I'll steal you another painting." She allowed herself to grab hold of Sophie's hip then, pressing her body so firmly against hers that their breasts ended up squished against each other. Sophie heard herself whimper, but it sounded so far away. Her head was swimming. Parker's nipples were unbelievably hard.

"Jesus Christ, Parker," she begged softly, feeling like she was hanging on the edge of a cliff. She was going to lose it in three… two…"Just fuck me." One.

Parker grinned wickedly – a sign of her triumph – before her mouth covered hers. Sophie grabbed for her desperately, feeling the thief's silken skin and deliciously addictive curves. Parker was a tiny girl, but her frame was deceiving to the power she held inside of her. Sophie could feel her abdominal muscles twitch in excitement beneath her touch; allowing the grifter to feel the erotic combination of both strength and vulnerability. Her nails raked over the curve of her ribs as Parker's tongue slipped wantonly against hers, milking a quiet whimper from Sophie's lips as she lifted her leg slightly, pressing her burning center against Parker's thigh.

Feeling Sophie's heat ignited something deep within Parker and her lips fell to her neck, biting down on the junction between her neck and shoulders possessively as she grabbed her breast roughly. Sophie moaned, sliding her hands down the thief's back to cup her ass, pulling her unbelievably closer, using the friction from Parker's thigh to stimulate her already oversensitive clitoris. Parker pressed her lips to her ear, emitting a possessive growl that made a shiver run down Sophie's spine, prompting her hips twitch and her hairs stand on end in both arousal and excitement. "Shit," she breathed, closing her eyes as her head fell back against the rock face. "Parker…"

Parker's hands were mapping every inch of her skin with the same purposeful concentration she had when she studied a bank's blue prints. She was looking for both her strengths and weaknesses; memorizing them, studying them. Her lips ghosted across Sophie's throat, tongue sneaking out for a quick taste before her body slid down hers, coming to rest on her haunches before her. The thief was submerged in water up to her neck as she pressed her lips against the base of Sophie's navel, teeth raking across sensitive skin that jumped beneath her lips. Sophie gasped softly as she felt Parker's strong hands slide up her thighs, fingers digging in just enough to massage her taut muscles that were begging to be squeezed around Parker's slender body.

A solitary finger slipped through her folds and Sophie bit her bottom lip hard, squeezing her eyes tightly shut as her clit jumped in excitement. But the lower half of her body was still submerged under water and Sophie desperately wanted to feel Parker's mouth against her. She opened her eyes momentarily, searching frantically to find a way to rectify this situation. Finding that there was a rock submerged under the water beneath her, she moved her leg to prop it up on top of it, trying to elongate her spine as she stood on her tip toes with her other foot, successfully lifting her hips high enough to be a half an inch above the water. The coolness of the air against her sensitive flesh nearly made her cry out, but when the heat of Parker's mouth covered her sex she shuddered in pleasure, gasping the thief's name into the stillness of the night.

As far as Sophie was aware, Parker had never been with a woman before. But she couldn't tell by the way she placed hot, open mouth kisses against her wanton core, allowing her tongue to slip through her folds with absolutely no hesitation. Sophie whimpered pathetically, her fingers curling in blonde hair as she pushed her hips against Parker's face. "Fuck," she breathed, eyes closed as she turned her face to side, allowing the rock face to cool her flushed cheeks. "You're good at that. _Jesus…"_

Parker responded to her praise by nipping at her clit softly, making Sophie cry out and her hips twitch involuntarily. Her grip tightened on the thief's hair almost violently, her breath coming out in short bursts as the thief's lips wrapped around her clit, sucking on her in a way that made her head spin and her toes curl. The moan she released was guttural; needy, pulling Parker closer to her by her hair as she begged between gasps, "Please… oh please…"

When two of Parker's fingers slipped inside of her, Sophie came undone. She cried out loudly, her head pitching forward and then back again to slam against the rock face as she thrust her hips against her hand. It probably would have hurt – her head, that was – if only she could feel anything other than complete and utter ecstasy as Parker's fingers slid in and out of her, taking what she wanted in the way you would expect any thief would; with persistent, carefully controlled movements, and absolutely no hesitation.

As Sophie's insides clenched and her head swam, Parker's lips left her clit to be placed on her hip, biting down hard enough to make Sophie scream; the pain mixing deliciously with the pleasure. "Fuck, Parker… fuck, _fuck…"_ Sophie gasped, holding onto to thief's shoulder so hard that her fingernails dug in, leaving crescent shaped marks upon her skin. Then finally Parker's fingers curled inside of her, her thumb pressing against her clit, and Sophie was done.

She screamed, her mind clouding in a haze of glorious abandonment as she forgot her own bloody _name_, let alone where she was. Sophie's hand shot out as she felt herself coming, unfortunately slamming against the jagged side of one of the rocks. It sliced open the palm of her hand, but she barely felt it as her knees buckled. But before she fell into the water, Parker caught her, holding her up as she rode out her high.

When Sophie finally became aware of herself and her body, she winced. "Bollocks," she swore, looking at her bleeding hand. She really should have been more aware of what she was trying to grab hold of. But then again, it wasn't like Parker left her any brain cells to _think_ after that performance.

"Here," Parker offered, taking her hand in hers before she dipped it under the water, trying to wash away her pain. She let it stay under there for awhile until she was sure the water had slowed the blood flow, then she brought Sophie's palm up to her lips and kissed it. Sophie was sure she was going to melt on the spot; she never expected something to tender to come from Parker. She smiled at her softly.

"You're wonderful," she told her softly. "Do you know that?"

"You taste better than caramel," Parker told her with a smirk before she stood up, coming up to be even with Sophie's height. "Did you know _that?"_ Sophie laughed quietly.

"No, I didn't."

* * *

><p>Sophie wished, more than anything, that she had the chance to return the favor to Parker. However, Nate (because he has the worst timing in the bloody world) interrupted them with a phone call. It was an 'emergency job' that required them to get to work straight away because of the time constraints and so for the next forty eight hours, Sophie and Parker found themselves too involved with work to get much alone time.<p>

But finally they found it early Monday morning, lying together in Parker's bed, completely exhausted after being awake for nearly two days. They had pulled off the con, but it was one of the toughest jobs they had ever done. Sophie's head was on Parker's breast, her eyes closed as she listened to the thief's slow, even breathing as she hovered between the place of awareness and sleep. Their legs were tangled together, Parker's fingers idly playing with her hair. It was the most content Sophie had found herself feeling in years.

"Can I ask you something?" Sophie inquired softly.

"Mmm."

Sophie's fingers toyed with the hem of Parker's shirt absentmindedly. "Where did you learn to do that? I assumed you had never been with a woman but you were…" she smirked a little in remembrance, the images flooding her mind behind her closed eyes, "bloody fucking fantastic, honestly."

Parker yawned, nuzzling her face in Sophie's hair as she tried to stay awake a little longer to answer her. "Porn," she mumbled. "And a hooker named… Kandy Kane? Or something; I forget."

Sophie's eyes opened after_ that_ piece of information. She turned her head quickly to look up at her, prompting Parker to emit a grumpy sound of disapproval as her pillow moved. "You've slept with a _prostitute?"_ she asked disbelievingly.

Parker, having given up on Sophie being a proper pillow, rolled over and hugged her bunny instead. "Mmm," she affirmed sleepily. "Needed to practice. Porn only taught me theory; it didn't provide hands on learning." She yawned again, snuggling into her pillow. "Didn't wanna be bad for you," she murmured. Sophie's eyes went wide and she smacked Parker's arm hard, trying to get her attention.

"Ow, _what?"_ Parker exclaimed angrily as she turned back around to face her, mad she was getting abused when she was trying to sleep.

"Are you telling me you slept with a prostitute while we were _dating?"_ Sophie asked, her voice going up at least three octaves.

"I didn't want to have sex with you wrong," Parker exclaimed, looking at her in both confusion and grumpiness. "Why are you getting mad? You said I gave you fantastic sex, so it worked."

"Why am I getting _mad?"_ Sophie repeated, in utter disbelief she seriously just asked that question. "You're honestly asking me that?"

"Yes?" Parker asked, growing more confused as this conversation went on. "And I'm _tired_; can we not fight right now? Explain it to me later." Now she was whining. As far as attractive things went, that was pretty far down on the list.

"Oh, you're _tired_, are you?" Sophie replied scathingly, finding herself immensely upset over the fact that Parker cheated on her. What was worse is that she didn't even know that she did, so what was going to stop her from shagging the next tart that came around? "Well I'll leave you to sleep by your bloody self then," she told her, getting up off of Parker's bed in a huff. "You can call me when you finally wrap your head around why I'm so fucking upset with you."

"Sophie!"

But Sophie didn't care about her protests, she didn't care that Parker was confused and didn't know any better; she just left, slamming the door behind her.

* * *

><p>"I need your advice."<p>

Eliot's eyebrows rose; he obviously wasn't expecting that. Hell, Sophie wasn't really expecting to ask either. But she found herself outside of Eliot's apartment anyway, figuring that out of anyone, he might be the best person to talk to about something like this. After a moment's pause, Eliot wordlessly opened his door a little wider, inviting her in.

When Sophie closed the door behind her, she pressed her back against it. Her lips pursed together in hesitation as Eliot looked at her expectantly. "Before I say anything, can we please keep whatever's said here between us? I don't… exactly like the whole world knowing my business."

"Just say what you came here to say," Eliot responded, not caring much about formalities such a 'secrets'. Eliot wasn't much of a gossip though, so Sophie nodded, knowing it was unlikely he would share what she was about to say to the rest of the team.

"Fine," she relented, sighing a little. She bit her bottom lip for a moment, hesitating, before she asked, "What do you do when you find out someone you're dating slept with someone else?"

Eliot's eyebrows got lost in his hairline. "Sophie, I haven't dated anyone in a long time. At least not seriously. You'd think I'd know?"

"Honestly, I didn't really, it's just… I know that out of everyone, you've had the most experience when it came to women. And you…" she shrugged lightly, "well, you're the only one that hasn't judged my relationship with Parker harshly."

"S'cause I don't give enough of a fuck to. Ya'll do what you do; I don't care." Eliot flopped down onto his couch, grabbing his half drunken beer off of the coffee table, taking a sip. "Who'd she fuck?" he asked when he put his beer back down.

"A prostitute."

Eliot laughed, "Are you serious? That's hilarious."

"It's not _funny_, Eliot!" Sophie exclaimed, offended that he was sitting there _laughing_ over something that's been screwing with her head for the past couple days.

"Sorry," he apologized, his laughter dying down. "I know this is gonna sound shitty, but darlin', you gotta be doin' something wrong if she's looking to get off somewhere else."

Sophie glared at him. Obviously coming here was a bad idea. "She didn't do it because of that, you bloody prat; she did it to… well, she said it was so she could practice… you know, before she slept with me." She flushed a little from admitting to Eliot that they were sleeping together, even though he probably already assumed they were. "So she wouldn't 'do it wrong'."

"Ah," Eliot responded before taking another sip of his beer. He sounded like he all of a sudden understood something that had perplexed Sophie for days. "Makes sense."

"_How?"_

Eliot looked at her pointedly. "Sophie, look at it from her perspective: you think the first time she ever thought about stealin' something, she up and robbed the first bank she saw? No, she started out by pickpocketing, boostin' cars, and whatever other shit. Girl ain't about to jump into the deep end without knowing if she can swim. She's smarter than that."

Oh. Well, that actually did make a lot of sense. But regardless… "She still did it when we were dating though."

"Well why the heck would she fuck a hooker before then?" Eliot countered, looking at her like she was being stupid. "Ain't no point preparing for shit you can't see happening." He shrugged. "Look, if you wanna do the typical girl shit and throw a tantrum over it, then break up with her. Ain't bothering me any."

Sophie sighed, running her fingers through her hair. She didn't want to do that and she thinks he knows that. Silence washed between the two of them for a moment before she asked quietly, "Eliot… are you now, or have you ever been so in love with someone that you forget to breathe, to eat, to _live?"_

Eliot cocked an eyebrow at her. "You tellin' me that's how you feel about Parker?"

"No," Sophie answered softly. "That's how I feel about Tara." She took a breath, pushing herself off the door to walk over to him as she explains, "But Parker makes me remember to live. She makes me remember to breathe, to eat, to stop _bloody_ killing myself over something that's supposed to be good; something that's supposed to make me feel alive. But my love for Tara doesn't make me feel alive; Parker's the one that does that."

"You tell her that?"

"No."

"Then what the fuck are you doing standin' around my house for then?" He asked, like she was being an idiot. She probably was being one. "You already knew what you were gonna do about Parker before you stepped foot in here; now you're just wasting both our time."

Sophie raised her eyebrows at the way he worded that, but he was right. She already had her answer.

* * *

><p>"What are you doing here?"<p>

Sophie walked into the living room to see Tara sitting on her couch; something she definitely wasn't expecting considering since the last time she talked to her, Tara had hung up on her. Sophie put her purse down on the small table by the door, looking at her expectantly.

"I think I'm in love with you."

Sophie felt like she was going to fall down. Her hand connected with the wall to make sure this didn't happen as she stared at her, hoping to Christ that she just heard her wrong. "I'm sorry, you _what?"_ she asked in disbelief.

There couldn't have been a worse time for this to happen; Sophie had just called Parker, telling her to meet her at her apartment so they could talk. This was definitely the _last _conversation she wanted her to walk in on. Honestly, this was probably the last conversation she wanted to have herself right now. And knowing Parker, she wouldn't give them the courtesy of a warning. She didn't knock; Sophie would be lucky if she even used to front door.

"I think I'm in love with you," Tara told her, looking like she couldn't believe the words coming out of her mouth either. "And it _sucks,_ Fi."

"I think I need to sit down," Sophie replied, feeling a little lightheaded as she headed over to the armchair. She wasn't about to sit next to Tara on the couch; they definitely needed space for this conversation. She put her head in her hands, letting out a long breath as she tried, for two seconds, to wrap her mind around what was going on. "You can't do this to me right now, Tara. You just _can't."_

"Do you think I want to?" Tara countered, frustrated. "How the fuck do you think I feel right now? This was the last thing I thought would happen."

"Thanks," Sophie responded dryly.

"You know what I mean," Tara huffed, getting to her feet as she started pacing, ranting. "I don't do this, Fi. I don't fucking _care _about shit. But you told me you were with Parker and I… realized I hated that. I was so_ fucking_ mad I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe."

"That just means you're jealous, Tara… not that you're in love with me," Sophie told her quietly. "There's quite a big difference."

"Not when I know that I can't live without you. I need you, Sophie."

They were the words Sophie desperately longed to hear for so long. But now they just seemed bittersweet. She pursed her lips, trying so hard not to get emotional. She looked away from her, shaking her head a little. "It's too late, Tara," she whispered regrettably.

"Who says?" Tara replied, coming over to her quickly. She knelt in front of her, forcing Sophie to look at her. A tear slipped down her cheek; she hated this. "Fi, who the fuck says? Why can't you just leave her? You know you don't love her like you love me." Her hand rose to wipe away her tears, but it stopped midair once a voice said:

"If you touch her, I'll break your wrist."

Tara put her hand down quickly and stood, looking at Parker who was standing in the doorway. She looked _pissed._ She took a step towards her and Tara immediately took a step back; she knew what Parker was capable of. After all, she nearly got thrown off a roof by her once before.

"I don't steal from you," Parker told her dangerously, advancing on her. "I don't take what's yours, so don't take what's mine. _Nobody_ takes from me."

"Parker, please calm down," Sophie requested all in one breath, standing to take Parker's hand in hers and pull her over to her and away from Tara. "She's not taking me away from you, okay? Breathe for a moment, sweetie." She wasn't stupid; she knew how dangerous Parker was if she allowed herself to be. But she also knew she had enough control over Parker to make sure it didn't happen.

"You already took from me," Tara told her boldly. But she also knew Sophie could stop her from attacking her, which was probably why she said it without fear.

"She wasn't yours when I took her!" Parker exclaimed. "But she's mine now. If she ever becomes not mine then you can take her, but you can't have her now. Go away."

Tara set her jaw and looked at the woman caught in the middle. "Sophie?" she asked purposefully.

Sophie sighed, looking at her regrettably. "I'm with Parker now, Tara. I'm sorry. I do still love you, I won't deny that, but we're…" she sighed as she admitted the truth it took her so long to accept, "we're toxic for each other. We've never really been happy together, you know that. I don't want to lose you in my life, but we can't ever be what we were. We both need to find happiness elsewhere, for our own sanities."

"So go away now."

"Parker," Sophie chided. She knew this was a really shitty thing for Tara to go through; she didn't need anything added to it. She looked up at Tara, feeling really awful about all of this. But it was the truth; they weren't ever any good for each other.

Tara stared at her for a moment. "She's your happiness then?" she asked evenly.

Sophie looked at her sympathetically, her hand tightening in Parker's. "Yes," she told her softly. "She is."

"Fine," Tara said shortly, brushing past them to get to the door without another word. She looked like she was going to cry. In all of their years together, Sophie had never seen her cry. It was heartbreaking.

Sophie wanted to call out to her, try to somehow make it better, but she knew nothing would help. So she watched her leave with a heavy heart, feeling horrible about how that went. She never would have thought in a million years that Tara would have found herself in love with her, and now that she did… it was far, far too late. But no matter how shitty it was, that was the way life was sometimes. Sophie knew more than anyone how cruel love could be.

Sophie tried to suck back her tears as she pressed the heel of her palm underneath her eye, dabbing at the few that had fallen. Her hand holding Parker's tightened as she moved, encouraging her softly, "Come on…" She felt like she got hit with a two by four emotionally and she just wanted to lie down; be held, be reminded that she was, honestly, happier now.

Parker followed without a word, allowing Sophie to lead her into her bedroom. She climbed into bed when encouraged by another tug of her hand, letting Sophie curl up against her. Parker seemed confused, but Sophie didn't know why until she asked suddenly. "Why did you stay?" Sophie blinked, turning her face to look up at her. "Outside of knowing I'd push her stupid ass out a window," Parker went on, "you've been mad at me for days. And you don't love me. I also probably don't sex you as good. I'm not as pretty, either."

"Parker…" Sophie started, feeling a little bad that Parker really thought herself as less next to Tara. She brushed a piece of blonde hair away from the thief's eyes with a half-smile before telling her, "I'm not angry with you anymore. I understand why you did it, okay? Just don't _ever_ do it again. I'm the one you're having sex with now."

Parker nodded slowly yet silently, understanding.

"And I do love you," Sophie went on, looking her in the eyes. "Maybe I'm not _in_ love with you, but those kinds of feelings take time." She smiled at her softly, cupping her cheek in her hand. "Besides, I can very much see that happening at some point. You're wonderful, Parker. I want you to know that. I may be in love with Tara, but my love for her suffocates me. You're the one that makes me feel alive, sweetie. Not her."

Parker smiled. "Really?"

"Really." Sophie bit her bottom lip before leaning up, kissing the thief softly on the lips. "Besides," she whispered. "I actually do think you're prettier." Parker raised an eyebrow, looking at her like she went insane and Sophie giggled. "I do."

"You're lying."

"I'm not."

"Yeah huh."

"Nah ah," Sophie replied, chuckling before she kissed her again, this time a little firmer, a little more with purpose. She could feel Parker smile against her lips and it made her fill with warmth. This was where she wanted to be; there wasn't a doubt in the world about that.

"I _am _worse at sex than her though," Parker told her when they parted, apparently still set on proving to Sophie that she may have been the wrong choice. But she wasn't. She was so far from it.

Sophie looked at her patiently. "Tara's had much more practice than you. But I'll tell you my first time with you was way better than my first time with her." She brushed the hair out of Parker's eyes as she continued, "_But…_ if you want to surpass her with flying colors, practicing wouldn't hurt." She smirked, already knowing her answer but asking anyway, "If you're up for it?"

Parker's eyes lit up. "We're going to have sex now?"

Sophie chuckled softly, kissing her softly once again before whispering against her lips, "Yeah, babe. We're going to have sex now."

As they fell into each other, Sophie couldn't help but remember the first time Parker told her about love. She didn't know if she could ever feel that way; completely open and honest about the way she felt, without borders or reservations about what things meant or didn't mean. Sophie supposed she'd always compartmentalize her feelings to better understand them, but though she did that with everyone else, Sophie found that she didn't have to fit Parker in a box anymore. Friendship, family, romantic, sexual love; she felt them all when she thought of the girl in bed with her.

For the first time in her life, she loved someone like everything. And it was, honestly, the best feeling in the world, and much more than she could have ever asked for.

**THE END**


End file.
